15 things movies have taught me

1. The call is ALWAYS coming from inside the house. ALWAYS.
2. The price is wrong, Bob. The price is WRONG.
3. If you're a pregnant cheerleader and rob a bank, it's ok, as long as there is a disgruntled B-squad cheerleader there to give you an alibi in exchange for getting her on the team.
4. You should never be an "angerball." I don't know exactly what that means, but I'm sure it's not good.
5. There will be sharks. Oh yes. And there will be blood.
6. Shoot until the gun is empty/don't "split-up" into groups.
7. The only way he'll die is if you cut his body into little pieces. And even then, watch out.
8. If you absolutely MUST go to Whitecastle, take a cellphone, a substantial amount of an illegal drug, and mapquest it. And don't let Neal Patrick Harris hitch hike. He's all about ruining your car with "love stains" in the backseat.
9. Don't desert the Confederate army for some girl you've only talked to twice. You will infect her with your seed and get shot by an albino.
   
10. If there is a comet headed towards Earth, don't shoot a nuclear missile at it. Send a group of deep-core drillers to it to drill to 800 feet (not a foot less) and plant the nuclear missile inside. But make sure it doesn't have to be detonated by hand, or else Bruce Willis will die.
11. Kevin Smith is a god.
    
12. If you must kidnap a cougar, make sure that you use something a little bit stronger than a Nyquil/heroin mix. And that there are no OTHER cougars. And don't seduce your brother.
13. Magnum will stop even a speeding M-shaped death star in its tracks. You should practice it.
14. Fly direct to Berlin. This goes along with Number 8. None of this getting anally raped and killing off the Pope (and becoming the new one). Just fly direct, and you won't have to worry about weird Italian guys molesting you during tunnels.
    
15. Life is not like the movies.

I enjoyed that.