oh yes. oh no.

daft punk. techno music. i love it. please, don't run off. let me explain.

i used to hate it. every day, joey would sit in the car and make me listen to it. "that's so gay/retarded/stupid," i'd smartly say. but one day, joey started singing digital love by daft punk, and he sang it like he believed it. it was joey's, "my heart will go on." i swanny. so i listened to the lyrics for once. and i liked them. they were about life.

so now, here i am, listening to "harder, better, faster, stronger." and i am loving it and dancing my little tushka off.

i'm sorry. you can go now if you can't accept this love. but just know that this was not taken lightly. it was a love that was earned, just like yours.

anyone else as awkward as i am?

so kirstie broke up with nathan. this is not good, since nathan sorta became my friend too. what to do in this situation, i do not know. i could kidnap them both in matching burlap sacks and then force them to sit in a room together. or i could club nathan on the head so he'll forget he was ever my friend. i don't know. he seems kinda standoffish to me. i guess that's because i love kirstie more than him. big baby.

hmm. yes. i'm sure you're intrigued, sitting on the edge of your seat, thinking, "oh, well how will this turn out? will she stay friends with him? how did they break up in the first place? will she tell us?" because this is just sooo interesting. i would pep it up with sparklers and pom poims, but i gotta go change a tire. yeah, it might be an everyday ordinary thing, but when i'm done with that tire...it'll be the best changed tire ever. so...there.

i am an antichrist

i am an anarchist.

agh. fun. not fun. kenneth got into a fight at school with new kid. don't really like either. it was funny. it happened in the boys locker room (so obviously i didn't see anything) and the bell had rung to leave for class, and all the sudden the principal and his special friends who couldn't take kenneth (especially if he squashed them) if they tried, came walking briskly into the gym. when the principal (forever known as watson) started running, his special friends started running, too. i guess they realized it was serious.

i don't know what those people are going to do. there was a fight wednesday, too, during the fire drill. a fight monday in the commons area. at least two last week. it's crazy. i mean, i know we are the most ghetto school in the east metropolitan area, but honestly. quit fighting. at first, all of the fights were funny, causing excitement and people to become idiots. but now it's kinda scary, because they seem to be between smartasses (like myself) and black kids (like...not myself.) keiya says its just plain foolish, and i agree with her. it's stupid.

make love, not war. or at least, attempt to make love. when you get rejected...then making war is alright. you just remember that, nerdling.

vibrating brain

i'm tired, and my brain has been vibrating at random intervals of the day. let's summarize the days events, shall we?

• spanish- sucked, because she yelled at us and gave us a project
• world geography- sucked, because we had a fire drill and had to walk all the way around the school in the heat to go 100 something yards away from the school. If the school had actuallly caught fire, we wouldn't have been effected, because we're IN THE TRAILERS, so I found this to be POINTLESS.
• pe- well, pe always sucks. had to go up and down steps for an hour. whooboy, was that fun with a vibrating headache.
• biology- i could barely concentrate because of head and ppl kept asking me if i was ok and not letting me sleep
• lunch- actually the highlight of my day, because jw almost got in a "fight" with two preps who were totally hot for eachother, but pretending like they weren't (even though i saw one of them stare at the other one's ass)
• english- sucked, because i didn't do anything and couldn't sleep because odysseus was on in the background. let me tell you, that movie has a LOT of sex in it for a movie that they approved for school
• geometry- sucked, because i despise the teacher and don't understand the material because she doesn't TEACH, she just expects us to know everything
• academic meeting- was actually kinda fun, because i just like people watching

last night was the a*team meet, where we tromped on all three rounds. the bus rides sucked, but there was nothing to be done about that.

alright, i'm tired. i shall go sleep.

my foot itches

you ever get that itchy foot feeling? it's bothersome, and i don't like it.

just got back from the fair. it was great. went on a ride that threw you upside down. the people across from us were awesome, though. they were just smiling at us the whole time. strange, in hindsight, but it was awesome while riding the...ride. did the bumper cars, won a pity platypus from a sympathetic dart guy, rode other spinny rides. had a good time. i just like to complain, i guess.

now to discuss social studies fair projects with gracie.

everything's been done.

i'm tired of it. i really am. i say this a lot. i'm tired of the same things, the monotony. i'm tired of feeling like i'm not worth anything to my friends. i'm tired of feeling like i'm not worth anything to my classmates. no movies are new, no new stories to entertain me. thoughts are short lived. all i think about is scholarships. i don't even know what i want to do. everyone's writing about their pregnancies or births or lack thereof, and i love reading it, i do, and i feel for them what i need to feel for them, but it's the same story, every time. i sing the same song every time. my mother is drinking, i'm alone, i'm sleepy, i'm sick, i'm tired, i'm tired, i hate it, i love it, i want it to stop. i want to run away. i really do. but i'm not smart enough to survive without money, and apparently, my friend's families wouldn't take me in. emancipation is not out of the question. it's there, in my mind. but i think of my dependency on my parents. i hate communicating with people, i'm a loner. i wish some popular girl would declare me the makeover girl and i could bam, be social and pretty and thin and know how to do my makeup and get to wear cute clothes and not fantasize about being useful.

my grandmother said i was allowed to invite one friend to go with me saturday. i thought, "that sucks, i'll have to choose between gracie and kelsie." well, i was wrong. i didn't have to choose, because neither one of them can go. and i'm pissed at them, even though it's not their fault, and i'm pissed at myself that i understand that it's not their fault, and i wish that i could just suck it up because there are far worse things in life.

i'm scared that i'm already asking," what's the point?" and i'm only 15. everyone's saying the world's going to end. think about it. people die everyday. you read that sentence and thought, "yeah, heard it before, your point?" *that* is my point. if a stranger can be so nonchalant about death, why aren't you? we were born to die, or so the song goes, so what's the point in doing something? have fun? well, apparantly, life's not all fun. so what's the point, i ask, yet again?

i don't know. it's just...bad.

happy birthday sir dr. funkyfish II

i love my fish, i really do. think of all the wonderful times i've shared with you in the past concerning my wonderful fish. his waking me up at 6 in the morning. his being boughted. and of course, who can forget the time when he killed his two other roomates, Peanut Butter and Jelly. so here's to you, my favorite goldfish in the widest world. i salute you on your 4th birthday.

*you're probably wondering what the birthday fish is doing right now. he's upstairs, in my room, listening to what i believe to be his favorite music, as indicated by him by his elaborate flashing of tail. what is this music, you ask? punk rock. i know, i'm sick of it too, but the fish liked it, and i decided to give him privacy to listen to it, because i love him that much.

i love my fish.

waiting

is the best frikkin movie evar. serrasly. it pwns. dane cook was hilarious, even though he only had a few lines. with the ah and the oo and the ommfgs i wanna see that again. that was so good. i still can't stop laughing, honestly.

this has been an awesome weekend. i got the new franz ferdinand cd (ommfgs again, so good), chance got the family guy movie with stewie (which wasn't that good, btw), and now this.

hope you had fun as well, mrs. robinson, with your seducing ways.

wonderful columbus day, everybody. and a happy amerigo vespucci day as well.

neighbors (sorta)

christopher and his family are moving in to our house. anyone else not surprised?

it's a long and complicated story, but they are already moved in and living in the basement. i'll have to write more later. my head is about to frikkin explode, i swanny to gah.

just thinking

in conversations with people you only know through the internet, there can be definite awkward dry spots. just thinking about that. and simone got me thinking about brandi's wedding.

it was so pretty. even though brandi had already had william and savannah then, she was soo beautiful. and dad, of course, was so proud of her, this little girl he was a stepfather to. i was proud of her. brandi is one of the nicest people you will ever meet. and she's hilarious. she's smart, too. she didn't drop out when she got pregnant with william. last year she graduated from college, and now she's a first grade teacher. and lamarr's a great guy, too. even if he is a little too much into cars. william is a cute little kid and savannah...well, william is great :-). no, savannah's sweet when she sees the advantage to it.

and you know what else i was thinking? cats hate me. they really do. i saw a cat and started sneezing. that's just not even funny....

enough now

see, last year, when they were advising courses, and they said, "you'll have over an hour of homework each night in each class. be careful," i took that to mean, "hey, slackers, back off. don't even try it." since i'm not a slacker (desordenada, i am not), i thought, "hey, it won't really be that much...they're just exaggerating." ha. the days of the young and naive.

mountains, miles, the occasional yard of homework, each night. normally, i can finish this before the class during school, but tonight, no. i've got so much, i can't see tomorrow, except what i have written in my agenda (required, btw) about....i can't even say it again. let's substitute that dirty word for something smoother...like opium. i've got so much opium, i'm going insane. i can't even see straight, that's how much opium i have gone through. and it's horrid. take it away, now. i need help with my problem here.

alright, bad joke. sorry i had to subject you to that. i'll get back to my opium now and leave you be.

let's recap, shall we?

i wanted to post as early as i could on october 1st, and here i am. i wish i could have done it earlier, but i was paid to clean the bathtub, so clean the bathtub i did. then i wanted something to eat, so i had to wash the dishes, and i felt all sticky, so i took a shower....

i've done a lot this morning. i've done a lot since wednesday. that a*team meeting i missed? well apparently, i shoulda gone, because when i got to school thursday, laura's like, "aren't you going to the MEET today?" i was sitting there thinking, uh yeah, i'm going to one on OCTOBER THE EIGHTEENTH, when it's scheduled to be. but no, she was right, there was a meet that day. so since neither kelsie nor i knew about it, kelsie couldn't go (i pulled strings and scrambled to get to go). so i spent nearly 3 hours on the bus with nothing to read or no cd to listen to. i've had worse though. and the meet was fun. maybe i'm just a geek that way. it never changes, really. you answer questions, and then you talk about the match with your team. all the ridiculous answers and crazy questions are told over and over againg. it just would've been funner if kelsie or gracie were there.

last night was very scary. chris (brother) called home and asked where joey was. obviously, joey was at work. chris said, "mcdonald's is on fire." that freaked my mom out, so she got our neighbor to drive her up there and left me to watch over chance and minichris. i was terrified the whole time. but it was all good, because what happened was a car in the drive thru caught fire and the smoke went through the window and set off the fire alarm. but that didn't mean i had been any less scared.

and then this morning came, and i did all that, and i feel like doing homework, so i'm probably about to do that, and so...that's all.

*sorry that parts of this made no sense. that's just part of my charm, ain't it?*