happy new year!

Well, okay, it's a little bit BEFORE the new year. But you'll get over it (the, apparently, 3 of you who may or may not be reading).

Tonight I intend to be bored. And that's it. I'm trying to be content with it, but I feel like I'm the only loser who doesn't hang out with friends or family for New Year's. I'm independent, but I don't like it, I guess. Whatever.

I had the chance to go to Kirstie's and PARTY. Like, seriously. My dad would have let me. IF my brother would have gone, too. And even though my brother wasn't going, he would've said he was for me. But I just didn't feel like starting the year off that way. Oh well. I probably wouldn't have fit in with Kirstie's friends all too well, anyway.

You know, I've been complaining this whole post, but I'm actually loving right now. I feel so nice every year. The neighbors will start shooting off those illegal fireworks pretty soon. My dad will get sloppy drunk and it'll be hilarious (for parts). My mom will actually abstain for once. I'll get me a little bit of something or other. It's fun. I just wish it was more than me, that's all.

So anyway, Happy New Year's, all! May your resolutions be kept, and may your heart stay beating.

end of the year

I've decided that this is going to be my last post of the year, because it seems like I keep writing about trivial stuff, and it's kind of annoying me, so...I'll just stop until the new year.

But first, I want people to know things.

On New Year's Eve, I light candles for those I pray for. I don't know why. It's just something I do.

This year, I'm lighting a candle for
my family, for their love.
my friends, for their goodness.
Jen, for her strength.
Simone, for her health and her baby's health.
Kris and his family, for staying away.
everyone, for having lived.

OK. I think that's it. So I hope the..(zero?) readers I have will enjoy the holidays.

oh no. don't go and pull a hillary.

That's always nice to hear from friends and family members.

So I asked to go to Kirstie's house for New Year's this year, because the last two years (the only two we didn't spend together, as opposed to the, I don't know, 10 that we did) were boring and depressing. Just me, mom, and Chance. And let me tell you, sneaking alcohol when it's only yourself is just not fun at all. So I thought, since Kirstie's going to be in north Georgia with her boyfriend, that I could go up and hang out with her.

But no. I can't be trusted.

Even though the last time I drank anything was over a year ago. And even then, it was only like, a few sips. And before that, it was another year.

But no. I might be tempted by The Alcohol. Even though we will be with her parents. Even though my mother is an alcoholic and I can just as easily get it here. Even though they let Joe go up to his friend's house and don't even do anything when he comes back with a hangover.

No no. *I* can't be trusted.

Wow. I guess all of those years of me getting hammered and punching holes in the wall has caught up with me.

Wait a second....
that would be my dad.

Woops. My bad. I guess I can't be trusted to remember what I remember. Because that would just be too much.

bon idee

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love

Don't tell your secret to anyone
Because ideas are vulnerable
As soon as you say your idea out loud
Then it can go and live on its own
And you will miss it oh so much
And you will wait for its return
And you will wish it were your own
But ideas that left never come back home

Don't tell your mother that you are afraid
Don't tell your lover that your heart might break
Don't tell your gods that you no longer believe
Because as soon as you say it out loud they will leave you
And you will miss them oh so bad
And you will wait for their return
And you will wish they were your own
But gods that have left you will never grace your home

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love

Don't tell your secret to anyone
Because ideas are vulnerable
As soon as you say your ideas out loud
Then they can go and live on their own without you
And you will miss them oh so bad
And you will wait for their return
And you will wish they were your own
But ideas that left will never come back home

i'm gettin nuttin' for christmas

So I got home this afternoon after a long week of exam and reviews. I sat down in my room, ready to watch Sabrina, when a thought occurred to me: I've got two weeks off from school. I don't have a single project or assignment or worksheet or anything that I have to do over these next two weeks. I'm free for the first time in over a year.

When I thought about that, I felt so...liberated. So free. Every single weekend, every holiday, every break I have to worry about some arbitrary school thing that I end up putting off till the very last day, but worrying about all week anyway. Every single time. But this time was different. This time was good.

And then hours later, when I was sitting down playing cards, I realized that I had to do science fair.

I swear to you, I had to leave the room, I was so choked up. It's just so hard to explain, I guess. And immediately when I thought that, I felt all of the normal worry and anxiety that I feel all of the time now.

It just...it makes me sick, thinking about how blissful I made myself, and how wrecked I feel now. I guess that's kinda silly.


And now, to top it all off, I'm feeling so homesick. I miss my HOME. This house isn't my home. I don't know it, even yet. I can't even sit in the living room without weezing for hours. And I can't even say my last memories of the old house were that good, because we were still going up there when this house didn't have cable or water to take showers and watch tv, when the house was a nasty disaster.

And since the night I had my accident and cried like a baby, I haven't cried the tiniest bit. But now the gates are open, and it feels like I can't stop.

I guess you could say it's been a downer day.

oh shnap

I really love that new show on TBS, My Boys. I mean, the story's getting kinda old, but it's got so many funny parts. And they always seem to be introducing some new character that I recognize but can't place. Nice.

So I'm sure you're just dying for an exam lowdown. Well, here it is. I think I did okay on Spanish, because it was fairly straightforward. I got an 84 in APWH, which is really good, considering most people got like, 40s and 50s. And I swear, I'm not trying to brag. But I'm happy I got a good grade, and why shouldn't I be? I studied my arse off. Now today was chemistry and English. Chemistry was pretty easy, so I'm sure that went well. English was a beast, though. There were 100 questions over fricking grammar and spelling and mechanics. There must've been like, 20, 25 questions about Julius Caesar alone, which I did not know would be emphasized. Then there were the essays. Oh. Goodness. Gracious. We had to write two three-paragraphs and one five-paragraph. I kinda contradicted myself between essays, but whatever. It's not like she can grade it as one. So I don't think I did very well on that one, comparatively.

I guess I should study for Public Safety and Algebra II.

But Scrubs is coming on in...2 and a half hours, so I'm sure it can wait.


**So I got an 84 on APWH, a 102 on Spanish II, a 98 on Public Safety, and a 101 on Algebra II. That's pretty good so far, right?

things i love about this blog

1. It's like a diary, and I can analyze my feelings when I get through writing.
2. I can write WHATEVER I want and not be half as bad as some of the douchebags online.
3. It's a medium to meet new people.
4. It's a medium to keep up with old friends.
5. I can see what others are thinking.

Things I dislike

1. The judgement.
2. The fact that I get criticized every time I use a damn cuss word, even though that's just the way I am.
3. I can't always write what I really feel, because I know someone else will read it.
4. The blog templates are icky.
5. I end up hurting someone or other's feelings, which I don't want to do, but can't help, because that's just what I do.

Technology sure is fun, huh?

frosty the snowman

Went to court today. Waited for like, half an hour before they told us we were in the wrong place. Waited three hours before they called my name. My judge was a kinda old man, but really no-nonsense and very nice. I pled first offense, got a $100 fine (which somehow turned into $143, but I'm not sure how), and was told to take a 6-hour defensive driving course at Patrick Henry. It wasn't so bad.

I don't know though. I'm just so...angry. Kinda at that bitch at the attendance office who treated me nicely at first, then acted like a fucking whore when she found out I had gone to court. Slutbag.

But I don't know. I'm angry for other reasons that I can't define. I'm angry at myself because I'm not studying for finals, even though I've had at least a month. I'm kinda angry at my friends for some reason I can't place. I just keep snapping.

Ugh. I'm really disliking myself at the moment.

:-(

potter party

Sorry, it took me a day to recuperate from said party, which is why it has taken me so long to post about it.

Let us begin with a story. Actually, let us post A Story. Singular.

It all started in December of 2006, a month that is as cold as it's name suggests. One cold and windy afternoon, a girl, Hillary, got into the car with her older brother, who, for all intents and purposes, shall be named Joe. They drove and they drove to a magical place called Walmart. While looking around in the aisles, they got chips and dip and sodas galore (not to mention the Red Bull for Ms. Hillary). So they checked out at the 20 items or less Lane, ran by an extremely old woman who decided each item needed about 5 minutes to ring up. After reaching the car, the two protagonists realized that Alas, they had forgotten the milk! So Joe decided to drop Hillary off at her beautiful castle, promising to be back in time to take Hillary to her wonderful ball by 5:00.

Except Joe was delayed by the evil Dragonmaster. Once the Dragonmaster was defeated, it was already 5:30, and the people at the ball were getting angry at being kept waiting for their beautiful princess Hillary (oh yeah, I'm a princess. I thought you would have figured that out with the whole Castle thing, but whatever). So Joe got home and drove and drove as fast as he could to get to the ball. Little did he know, when Hillary got out of the car, her night was just beginning.

Princess Kelsie and Gracie said in unison, "Look, here comes Harry Potter. And what's that he's got with him? The Sorceror's Stone! Mr. Potter, why don't you tell us your story?" So Mr. Potter went into a 10 hour long story about not only the Stone, but the Chamber of Secrets and the Prisoner of Azkaban, not to mention the Goblet of Fire.

Now during all of this time, Hillary tried to keep as straight a face as she could. But sometimes she got hungry, so she had to step away. Or she had to excuse herself to the bathroom. Or she just got so excited in some parts that she sneezed! To themselves, when Mr. Potter was busy telling his story, the princesses decided to laugh and laugh and make sexual innuendos. It was grand!

But alas, Mr. Potter kept them up with his stories until 4 in the morning, and the princesses had to be nice and refreshed for their Exam Jam the following morning at 9! So they rushed off to bed, sleeping as much as they could, before the tiniest little elves Adam and James woke them up with their sunshiney hugs.

And so they went to the Exam Jam, studied, and had a wonderful (yet caffeine-charged) time. Then Princess Hillary was picked up by the Queen in her beautiful chariot, and she went home and had a royal bath.

Then later that night she dominated the world.

The end.

southern accents

Just a quick little thing before Scrubs comes on, now that I'm thinking about it:

People with southern accents aren't stupid.
All southerners aren't Republicans.
All southerners aren't racist gay-bashers in the KKK.
All southerners don't like to go muddin' or camping.
All southerners don't like country music.
All country music singers aren't southern.

And what I was saying earlier was, if Stephen Colbert purposefully changed his accent because he thought others would call him a dumb hick if he had an accent, then yeah, he thinks southerners are dumb hicks. You can't be afraid somebody will think you are something if you don't think you are.
But sure. If he did it so people could understand him or because he was forced to, then sure, he's not all bad.

Whatever.

That just really pisses me off.

baby, it's cold outside

I LOVE that song. Especially the one on the soundtrack to Elf, with Zooey Deschanel. Her voice is like syrup, I swear. I just wish I HAD the soundtrack to Elf (*wink wink*).

It's all good. Potter Party's tomorrow. I've figured out how I'm going to study for everything. Joey gets to drive Dad's Buick to school now, so we're not freezing in the morning anymore (and we have a radio, but that's not as nice). The dishes are WASHED. I'm clean.

Nice.

The one negative right now would be that I'm not getting off my arse and actually STUDYING.

Pero esta todo.

the world that has made us can no longer contain us

That was the first line, I heard, I swear. I just couldn't think of a title.

So I got my paper printed out. I went to JW's. It was actually really cool. It smelled like my Granny's house. Brought me back. So he printed out my paper, and his dad invited me to eat some barbecue. So I had the first meal I've had in a week: pulled pork, green beans, mac&cheese, mashed potatoes, bread, and fresh made sweet tea. It was heaven, I swear. I haven't had a meal so delicious since my Granny was good, no joke.

I had a really nice time, if you can't tell. And I drove home okay, even though it was dark. And I'm really happy about that, because this is only the second time I've driven since the accident, and it's coming back. Of course, I hit on my brakes a lot more than I used to (insert rim shot), but I was fine.

I've got just about everybody a present. It sucks, though, because I'm out of money. I think I'll just make everybody something. that would actually be kind of fun. We'll see.

So, I should probably go and do my homework.

Heroes comes on tonight! YAY!!!

lazy lazy weekend

so I've done nothing this weekend. Like, at all. I mean, I sat on my arse and watched movies. I shopped a little bit. Jackie gave us her old couches, so we moved those in.

But I did not study at all. And finals are in less than two weeks.

Oh, mama.


I just found out that Adam's aunt was killed Friday. She and her boyfriend were shot and killed, and her friend was injured. She was only 19, and she was 17 weeks pregnant. Pray for her.

cause i'm a puttycat!

Yay! It's December! Oh, I love this month. It's so beautiful. Today has been sooo fun.

First off, it was International Day at school, which meant half of each class was skipping out to "help" at the fair, leaving little to no work in every class. Plus, the IDF was kinda cool. Some good baklava and gingersnaps. Some not-so-good food from other countries. Not thinking about The Night too much anymore. Still over-sleeping, but I'm gonna try to fix that this weekend.

Actually, I've planned a Harry Potter weekend to overshadow the ABCFamily-bootleg-"we're-not-going-to-show-you-everything-you-pussies" Harry Potter weekend. All four Harry Potters. All in one night.

Oh yeah.