is not as fun as it used to be. The change from dorm to apartment means that I have my own room, and now I realize that I have so much more privacy. Which, being the homebody that I am, I enjoy. And now that I have a job again (thank GOD), I see myself coming home less and less.
But, on the bright side, I get to see the people I love. So that's nice.
4 As and 2 A-s this semester!
12.22.2010
11.22.2010
dear school
I don't know if you know this, but it's Thanksgiving break.
Which means that no, I don't want to do this
Women's Studies paper or
English paper or
English forum or
Linguistics essay or
Italian work or
Psychology project or
theater project.
But I guess, if you're going to be such a dick about it...
Sincerely,
H
Which means that no, I don't want to do this
Women's Studies paper or
English paper or
English forum or
Linguistics essay or
Italian work or
Psychology project or
theater project.
But I guess, if you're going to be such a dick about it...
Sincerely,
H
10.21.2010
I think
technically what I'm doing is called "eating your feelings," but I call it making my stomach less lonely.
I'm tired. I'm tired of school, of doing school work, of sitting here acting like any of this shit actually matters when I know that it doesn't. The petty dramas, the waiting by the phone. How could I be so stupid, to expect him to say yes?
Yes, it's about a boy. When is it not, is what I'd like to know? A stupid, ridiculous boy (who just so happens to complement me so perfectly it's amazing). Nope, it can't be about anything meaningful.
It's times like this that I feel like a stranger in my own home. In my very apartment. My roommates look at me like I've lost my mind, and I find myself explaining things away. Oh, I don't mean to say that, I'm just in a bad mood, I didn't sleep much last night, this girl in my class annoyed me, I ate some bad meat, I'm not hungry right now, no I'm not mad at you.
It's all just...ridiculous.
I'm going to go look at Jupiter, now.
I'm tired. I'm tired of school, of doing school work, of sitting here acting like any of this shit actually matters when I know that it doesn't. The petty dramas, the waiting by the phone. How could I be so stupid, to expect him to say yes?
Yes, it's about a boy. When is it not, is what I'd like to know? A stupid, ridiculous boy (who just so happens to complement me so perfectly it's amazing). Nope, it can't be about anything meaningful.
It's times like this that I feel like a stranger in my own home. In my very apartment. My roommates look at me like I've lost my mind, and I find myself explaining things away. Oh, I don't mean to say that, I'm just in a bad mood, I didn't sleep much last night, this girl in my class annoyed me, I ate some bad meat, I'm not hungry right now, no I'm not mad at you.
It's all just...ridiculous.
I'm going to go look at Jupiter, now.
10.19.2010
hungry
At times like this:
When there's no work to do
When I've read the next chapter
When I've checked the items off the list
When I've finished the book.
When I have baked and I have cooked: I am hungry.
Hungry for something else.
Hungry for a new adventure.
Sit, sit, sit on the bench, sure,
But you will never remember
What they took from you.
The working and the reading and the checking and the finishing and the baking and the cooking--
You're not normal, and you hunger
For the words danger danger danger.
When there's no work to do
When I've read the next chapter
When I've checked the items off the list
When I've finished the book.
When I have baked and I have cooked: I am hungry.
Hungry for something else.
Hungry for a new adventure.
Sit, sit, sit on the bench, sure,
But you will never remember
What they took from you.
The working and the reading and the checking and the finishing and the baking and the cooking--
You're not normal, and you hunger
For the words danger danger danger.
10.16.2010
books
Growing up, I was surrounded by books. My parents' house has at least a book shelf per room, and I schlep a few select novels with me every time I come to Athens. My favorite Disney character was Belle, who made literacy look like something to be valued and loved (along with having a kick-ass voice).
Even today, when I spend hundreds of dollars on textbooks, I love them. I love the books that I think are poorly written or the books that have a ridiculous story line. Sad, happy, romantic, suspenseful, long, short...it's a thing that I invest my time in. I spend hours, days, weeks with a book. I know its characters, its typos, the sound the binding makes when I crack it open. I dog-ear the pages, leave them lying open, taking them to the gym with me, and drink (and spill) coffee while reading. My books look like they've survived wars, some with pages missing and others black with my furious ballpoint scribblings. Old and used or new and pristine, a book has a specific smell to it that I always breathe in. I breathe in that book smell and I know that, for at least a few minutes, I'm going to be elsewhere.
When I loan a book to someone, I'm excited. I know it's a bit extreme, but it's almost like having a child and sending it out into the world--you're not sure if it's going to be accepted by everyone it meets, and even though you love it with all of your heart, it might be rejected. Ignored. Hated, even. So when a friend asks me if I know of any good books, I think hard about what they're like and what book would be right for them. What book could I send out to this person and have them accept it for what it is?
Anyway.
Even today, when I spend hundreds of dollars on textbooks, I love them. I love the books that I think are poorly written or the books that have a ridiculous story line. Sad, happy, romantic, suspenseful, long, short...it's a thing that I invest my time in. I spend hours, days, weeks with a book. I know its characters, its typos, the sound the binding makes when I crack it open. I dog-ear the pages, leave them lying open, taking them to the gym with me, and drink (and spill) coffee while reading. My books look like they've survived wars, some with pages missing and others black with my furious ballpoint scribblings. Old and used or new and pristine, a book has a specific smell to it that I always breathe in. I breathe in that book smell and I know that, for at least a few minutes, I'm going to be elsewhere.
When I loan a book to someone, I'm excited. I know it's a bit extreme, but it's almost like having a child and sending it out into the world--you're not sure if it's going to be accepted by everyone it meets, and even though you love it with all of your heart, it might be rejected. Ignored. Hated, even. So when a friend asks me if I know of any good books, I think hard about what they're like and what book would be right for them. What book could I send out to this person and have them accept it for what it is?
Anyway.
9.07.2010
3 weeks in
I absolutely love having an apartment. It's not nearly as bad as last year: I can sleep at the drop of a hat. Sharing a room all of the time was hell on my nerves, but now I've got a room all to myself. A room I can decorate. One with a normal bed that's not a billion feet off the ground. So this is much, much better.
The classes...so far, there still hasn't been anything too difficult, though that tends to build up over the semester. The further along it is, the more work there is, you know. Mainly, there's just a lot of reading involved. Seems pretty humdrum so far.
Friday I went to Pine Mountain with the family because there was a hot air balloon festival. We only went for the one night, when they set the balloons up and did a hot air balloon glow for about 20 minutes (even though it was supposed to be an hour, and they started half an hour early). People were still arriving when it was over, which made me kind of sad. But we got a ton of pictures, and it was just so pretty.
Soon though, it'll be my birthday. And it'll be awesome.
The classes...so far, there still hasn't been anything too difficult, though that tends to build up over the semester. The further along it is, the more work there is, you know. Mainly, there's just a lot of reading involved. Seems pretty humdrum so far.
Friday I went to Pine Mountain with the family because there was a hot air balloon festival. We only went for the one night, when they set the balloons up and did a hot air balloon glow for about 20 minutes (even though it was supposed to be an hour, and they started half an hour early). People were still arriving when it was over, which made me kind of sad. But we got a ton of pictures, and it was just so pretty.
Soon though, it'll be my birthday. And it'll be awesome.
8.20.2010
A Rating of My Classes
Class: Linguistics
Difficulty: None
Professor: Not hot, but funny. Boring at times, since it's easy to drift off to the sound of his voice.
Overall: Excited
Class: ENGL 400
Difficulty: Very
Professor: Cute and funny, very entertaining
Coursework: A shit ton.
Class: Italian
Difficulty: Negative a million
Professor: Woman, but really very nice.
Overall: Another breezy semester of italiano
Class: Women's Studies
Difficulty: As yet to be determined. Syllabus points to very, prof points to medium.
Professor: Bat-shit insane feminist.
Overall: Good God, are you sure it's too late to drop this class?!
Class: Theater
Difficulty: I'm...not sure. Haven't really been told what we're doing. Why?
Professor: A wind-bag. Talks a lot about himself and how he has studied some dying form of Indian performance sign language that only 16 other people study BECAUSE HE'S SO INTO PRESERVING THE ARTS.
Overall: I think I can survive it.
Class: Psychology
Difficulty: Well, there aren't any tests, but the science stuff is going over my head, and that's a big deal these first few weeks since we do have graded assignments on them.
Professor: A 10 out of 10 on the hot scale. Seriously, I don't know how I lucked out with so many hot teachers, since I've only had the one before, but damn. Also, we aren't allowed to call him by his last name. Also, did I mention he doesn't "believe" in tests? Which is just fine, since I don't either.
Overall: Though I did find myself nodding off in class yesterday, like I said, it's because of the science stuff. Once we get past these first few weeks, I think we'll be alright.
So that brings the total to 6 classes, two female profs, two hot guys, one hot TA, and two boring profs. Let's see how it goes.
Difficulty: None
Professor: Not hot, but funny. Boring at times, since it's easy to drift off to the sound of his voice.
Overall: Excited
Class: ENGL 400
Difficulty: Very
Professor: Cute and funny, very entertaining
Coursework: A shit ton.
Class: Italian
Difficulty: Negative a million
Professor: Woman, but really very nice.
Overall: Another breezy semester of italiano
Class: Women's Studies
Difficulty: As yet to be determined. Syllabus points to very, prof points to medium.
Professor: Bat-shit insane feminist.
Overall: Good God, are you sure it's too late to drop this class?!
Class: Theater
Difficulty: I'm...not sure. Haven't really been told what we're doing. Why?
Professor: A wind-bag. Talks a lot about himself and how he has studied some dying form of Indian performance sign language that only 16 other people study BECAUSE HE'S SO INTO PRESERVING THE ARTS.
Overall: I think I can survive it.
Class: Psychology
Difficulty: Well, there aren't any tests, but the science stuff is going over my head, and that's a big deal these first few weeks since we do have graded assignments on them.
Professor: A 10 out of 10 on the hot scale. Seriously, I don't know how I lucked out with so many hot teachers, since I've only had the one before, but damn. Also, we aren't allowed to call him by his last name. Also, did I mention he doesn't "believe" in tests? Which is just fine, since I don't either.
Overall: Though I did find myself nodding off in class yesterday, like I said, it's because of the science stuff. Once we get past these first few weeks, I think we'll be alright.
So that brings the total to 6 classes, two female profs, two hot guys, one hot TA, and two boring profs. Let's see how it goes.
8.19.2010
college: take two
So I'm at UGA. It's cool. Kinda just been bouncing around classes, not really retaining anything. No real work yet, I guess.
Trying to get a job at the school newspaper, which they make freaking ridiculously hard. But that'll be cool.
Also I've exercised twice now. Which is more than I've ever done that before. So hope that works out.
I don't know. Still don't have a job. Working on that, though.
I feel like I should be happy, because life's not that difficult right now, but I'm just so busy worrying about when the other shoe will drop that I can't enjoy it.
Oh well. C'est la vie.
Trying to get a job at the school newspaper, which they make freaking ridiculously hard. But that'll be cool.
Also I've exercised twice now. Which is more than I've ever done that before. So hope that works out.
I don't know. Still don't have a job. Working on that, though.
I feel like I should be happy, because life's not that difficult right now, but I'm just so busy worrying about when the other shoe will drop that I can't enjoy it.
Oh well. C'est la vie.
7.15.2010
insured
No job, my teeth healed fine, and I'm stressed about money for school and the amount of books I'm supposed to read this semester for my English classes.
Yep.
Yep.
5.22.2010
my teeth
have been removed. All of yesterday, I was just laying there, drooling blood, and I've been told that it was pretty gross. And then today, I feel much better, but still not close to 80 %. At least I don't have to have my mouth packed, though I do have to keep putting heat packs on it. I haven't taken any pain pills and I've been able to eat, so that's good.
Here's hoping that tomorrow I feel better still, and can actually stand up for more than a few minutes. Not that laying down all day has been bad. Except, you know, it's kinda boring. I've never been one able to doze off all day, so I've pretty much been laying here. And to top it off, my family keeps bringing home all of this delicious food, and all I can eat are mashed potatoes and soup. Lames.
On the bright side, I now have a total of two job interviews this week: Domino's and Payless. I'm hoping more for the Payless one, since I think that'll be more money. Plus, you know, food service...kinda over it. But yeah. I also got a job interview with Six Flags...tomorrow. And since they said no rescheduling, and I can barely talk, I had to turn it down. Oh well. It was a long drive anyway.
Okay. So there's that. Hoping I can get a job in the next few days and still be able to attend my friends'/cousin's graduations. That'd be peachy.
Here's hoping that tomorrow I feel better still, and can actually stand up for more than a few minutes. Not that laying down all day has been bad. Except, you know, it's kinda boring. I've never been one able to doze off all day, so I've pretty much been laying here. And to top it off, my family keeps bringing home all of this delicious food, and all I can eat are mashed potatoes and soup. Lames.
On the bright side, I now have a total of two job interviews this week: Domino's and Payless. I'm hoping more for the Payless one, since I think that'll be more money. Plus, you know, food service...kinda over it. But yeah. I also got a job interview with Six Flags...tomorrow. And since they said no rescheduling, and I can barely talk, I had to turn it down. Oh well. It was a long drive anyway.
Okay. So there's that. Hoping I can get a job in the next few days and still be able to attend my friends'/cousin's graduations. That'd be peachy.
5.20.2010
these are a few of my least favorite things
I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out tomorrow.
And hopefully I will have healed enough to go to my job interview for Domino's on Tuesday. Or I'll just show up looking and feeling like a crackhead.
I applied for a bunch of jobs online the other day. One of them was for the company called Vector. Stupid me, I didn't really look into what they were about until after the CALLED me and set up an interview with me. When I realized that it was a telemarketing job, I cancelled my appointment. But they still keep calling me. Going to have to deal with that, but there is just no way I could be a telemarketer. I mean, unless I had to.
10 (good) pages down.
And hopefully I will have healed enough to go to my job interview for Domino's on Tuesday. Or I'll just show up looking and feeling like a crackhead.
I applied for a bunch of jobs online the other day. One of them was for the company called Vector. Stupid me, I didn't really look into what they were about until after the CALLED me and set up an interview with me. When I realized that it was a telemarketing job, I cancelled my appointment. But they still keep calling me. Going to have to deal with that, but there is just no way I could be a telemarketer. I mean, unless I had to.
10 (good) pages down.
5.14.2010
do you know what it feels like for a girl?
Just listening to that song. In my head.
I feel like writing. I feel like actually writing a novel this summer. I'm going to do it, too, dammit. If it kills me. So far, it seems like I'm going to have a lot of free time. I mean, I need to work. But I haven't found a job. So until that happens, I have no money, and nowhere to go. So yeah. There's that.
But I'm feeling the creative juices flowing right now. I think they're slowly ebbing away, but I hope I can find them. At least enough to do an outline of what I need for a story. Something that I could flesh out, maybe. Ugh, it's so frustrating. Half the time it feels like I want to write, and the other half it feels like I want to write in order to make money. When the second half comes out, I can't ever think of anything. Not because it's not pure, but because it puts so much pressure on me. "This next word will be my future." When I just let go and write, I'm told my stuff is fairly good. Probably because it's vaguely shocking.
Anyway. I need to write something other than my thoughts. But hopefully that means I'll be writing more in this blog. That nobody reads. Even my best friend forgot about it. But that's okay. I like the anonymity. It's freeing.
I feel like writing. I feel like actually writing a novel this summer. I'm going to do it, too, dammit. If it kills me. So far, it seems like I'm going to have a lot of free time. I mean, I need to work. But I haven't found a job. So until that happens, I have no money, and nowhere to go. So yeah. There's that.
But I'm feeling the creative juices flowing right now. I think they're slowly ebbing away, but I hope I can find them. At least enough to do an outline of what I need for a story. Something that I could flesh out, maybe. Ugh, it's so frustrating. Half the time it feels like I want to write, and the other half it feels like I want to write in order to make money. When the second half comes out, I can't ever think of anything. Not because it's not pure, but because it puts so much pressure on me. "This next word will be my future." When I just let go and write, I'm told my stuff is fairly good. Probably because it's vaguely shocking.
Anyway. I need to write something other than my thoughts. But hopefully that means I'll be writing more in this blog. That nobody reads. Even my best friend forgot about it. But that's okay. I like the anonymity. It's freeing.
5.03.2010
it's a snellabration!
For the first (and last) time, I'm sitting at the only all night dining hall on campus eating pizza and "studying." And by that I mean writing in my blog, because it's just been so long since I've done it. Not as long as I've gone previously, but still...
It's almost the end of my first year of college. Is it sad that I don't want to leave, now? I mean, I guess I've been able to separate the fact that no, I don't really like staying at home for the majority of my time. I do miss my friends, though. So it'll be fun seeing them.
In fact, we're going to have a late Wizarding Independence Day party to celebrate Harry Potter's defeat of Voldemort 12 years ago. Yeah, I know, we're nerds. But there will be a Hogwarts castle cake. And I get to hand out with all of my friends, did I mention that? It'll be good times, even if we don't do anything, which is awesome.
I've been kinda disappointed lately. I don't have a job (and I don't have one lined up for next semester, like I'd planned to do). Wednesday we went salsa dancing, and I seem to have been the only one in there who nobody wanted to dance with, which was downright embarrassing. Ugh, but I guess I'll go again, if only to break myself out of my studying stupor.
Speaking of which...I should probably work on that.
Later.
It's almost the end of my first year of college. Is it sad that I don't want to leave, now? I mean, I guess I've been able to separate the fact that no, I don't really like staying at home for the majority of my time. I do miss my friends, though. So it'll be fun seeing them.
In fact, we're going to have a late Wizarding Independence Day party to celebrate Harry Potter's defeat of Voldemort 12 years ago. Yeah, I know, we're nerds. But there will be a Hogwarts castle cake. And I get to hand out with all of my friends, did I mention that? It'll be good times, even if we don't do anything, which is awesome.
I've been kinda disappointed lately. I don't have a job (and I don't have one lined up for next semester, like I'd planned to do). Wednesday we went salsa dancing, and I seem to have been the only one in there who nobody wanted to dance with, which was downright embarrassing. Ugh, but I guess I'll go again, if only to break myself out of my studying stupor.
Speaking of which...I should probably work on that.
Later.
4.07.2010
so...
This is awkward. The return. Sure, it's April. Sure, several months have passed. But I mean, it's not that I don't love you anymore. Because I do: I SO do. I just have other things on my mind.
Like, not being motivated to write.
But anyway. Here I am. Writing. Realizing that even if I can't write creatively, I mean, I still have the ability to type. Seriously. So. My life.
Signed up to keep going to UGA next semester, so that's cool. Actually, I'm signed up for 18 hours. Probably going to be terrible. But, you know, aiming to get done in 3 years. Not that it'll do me much good. But yep. Hoping that it's going to happen. I've also decided to live off campus with Katie and two other friends in an apartment. Hoping that that's going to work out.
Kinda worried about financial aid. Not too sure if it's going to come together, and also, can't find out how to fix it. Agggggh. Gotta work on that. Also gotta work on finding a job for the summer. Gotta be honest, kinda relying on my mom to hook me up. If she can't, then I don't know what I'm going to do. Try to work for Captain D's again, maybe. Look for a job in Peachtree City, since it might be a good idea to live with my grandmother for the summer. Like always, though, I'm all thinking, no action.
Ok. So, that about wraps up my life. Going out, being broke. Good stuff.
Like, not being motivated to write.
But anyway. Here I am. Writing. Realizing that even if I can't write creatively, I mean, I still have the ability to type. Seriously. So. My life.
Signed up to keep going to UGA next semester, so that's cool. Actually, I'm signed up for 18 hours. Probably going to be terrible. But, you know, aiming to get done in 3 years. Not that it'll do me much good. But yep. Hoping that it's going to happen. I've also decided to live off campus with Katie and two other friends in an apartment. Hoping that that's going to work out.
Kinda worried about financial aid. Not too sure if it's going to come together, and also, can't find out how to fix it. Agggggh. Gotta work on that. Also gotta work on finding a job for the summer. Gotta be honest, kinda relying on my mom to hook me up. If she can't, then I don't know what I'm going to do. Try to work for Captain D's again, maybe. Look for a job in Peachtree City, since it might be a good idea to live with my grandmother for the summer. Like always, though, I'm all thinking, no action.
Ok. So, that about wraps up my life. Going out, being broke. Good stuff.
1.07.2010
here it goes again
So I'll start off by my usual amount of bellyaching and depressing thoughts. I just don't want to be here. I feel this...weight on my chest, like a kind of physical grief. And the worst thing is, I don't understand why exactly. I put most of it on the fact that I miss my family terribly, I miss the way of life I've established for the first 18 years of my life. I'm thrown here with no friends, and I'm a terribly shy person. I don't know. I've got a weekend looming ahead and I'm not particularly looking forward to it as I have nothing to do really. When I'm in class, I'm fine, but outside of class....bleh. And there also happen to be these people downstairs from us that play their music ridiculously loud. And even when they aren't playing it, I'm afraid that they will, which makes me panic. I can't seem to relax when I'm here, I suppose. And it's driving me nuts. I have huge under eye circles and can't sleep. I don't know what to do.
Okay, on to the good news. New Years' was awesome. I spent the night at Sarah's, hung around with some decent people, and got to hang out with Kelsie all night. Then we had a repeat New Years' the following Saturday, which was even better. There was also a family reunion deal thing, with a bunch of people that I think are funny as opposed to the relatives that I can't stand, so that was nice. And tons of Partner's Pizza. Good stuff.
Think positive.
Okay, on to the good news. New Years' was awesome. I spent the night at Sarah's, hung around with some decent people, and got to hang out with Kelsie all night. Then we had a repeat New Years' the following Saturday, which was even better. There was also a family reunion deal thing, with a bunch of people that I think are funny as opposed to the relatives that I can't stand, so that was nice. And tons of Partner's Pizza. Good stuff.
Think positive.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)