what do i want to be?

not a teacher. you spend your whole life in school that way. i dont know what i want to be. i know i said i wanted to be a writer, but come on. how many people make a living that way? i want to be an astronaut. work at nasa. be the smartest and the best. i dotn know. but like i told kelsie, this whole "humanity" thing seems like crap to me. we live, we have children, we die. sure, there are life's eccentricities mixed in there. good days and bad days. laughs and tears but is it worth it? is it even worth it to feel like you're making a difference in life? i mean, that just starts humanity back over again.

see, here's the thing. i dont want bad days. i want to spend my life how i want to spend threm. i dont want anything to be able to make me feel bad. but things do. i want to spend my life with my friends. with people who i love and who love me. if i had my choice, i'd spend all day with kelsie, gracie, chynna, keiya, and my grandmother. thats what i want to be when i grow up.

and pyro means....

my mom had to bring the candles out yesterday since the power kept going off. i took the opporitunity to show off my fire skills. oh, you didn't know that i was a rabid pyromaniac? well, we all have our hobbies. mine just involves fire. anyway, my skills include holding a flame, and that's about it. but today i made a mistake and held one that had too long left and burnt my hand. it's only a little blister, but still. the smallest things hurt.

anyway, it's been freezing down here. i love the cold. i love snow. i cant stand summer heat. i wish i could move to maine or someplace like that, just so i wouldn't have to deal with such hot summers. i'll go to alaska. that solves everything...

i have decided that i will buy underground stuff. i am listening to the weirdest mix i have ever heard. it's "whatever you say i am" mixed with "lose my mind", and some other song i dont remember. from now on, it's only underground music, or no music. except that's not true. i'm just typing the random stuff now.

oh, that's right. who's got the best email address in the world? that'd be me. you can contact me at iloverichardmnixon@yahoo.com. that's right, you can. i dont know why you would, seeing how i am but a lowly girl on the internet with an obsession with a dead president, but that is beside the point.

extreme anger here

i'm sure you are all wondering what i am doing up at this unGodly hour on a Saturday morning. i will tell you. my dad works at the post office, yes? well, this morning, they decided to call him in. when nobody picked up the phone the first time (i was too lazy to get up, seeing as how i had JUST BEEN WOKEN UP BY A PHONE), they hung up. when i thought they weren't going to call back, the phone rang again until my dad answered it. AGH. and at 2 am, my dad's car horn started blaring. we dont know why it does it, but it just starts blaring at the most random times, like 2 frikkin a.m. after that, the frozen rain kept beating on my window, making it sound like i was sleeping on foil.

the only plus side is that i woke up and it had snowed. only a little, sure, but still. snow in Georgia is pretty much the same thing as hell freezing over. and we have icicles. i love icicles. they're the prettiest thing in the world, even though they are extremely unsanitary since they have been on your roof for the longest time. alright, i'm delirious now. i'm gonna go on back to bed. just thought you should know how INSANE IT IS TO BE WOKEN UP THREE TIMES DURING THE NIGHT!!!!!!!

the gospel according to larry

*starts another post with**refers to title**ends beginning of post* this is a great book. guy wants to stop people from buying into the consumerism/corporate/sellout thing. guy becomes famous. hates it. makes you think. where would we be without commercialism/consumerism? obviously, we think we need it. interesting thoughts indeed.

actually the purpose of this post today is to inform you of something, you reading in the comfort of your home/office/kitchen (which is part of your home, so i guess it's a bit repetitive)/ wherever you read blogs, particularly mine. i like this world. the world of blogs. you can post, not post. look up the people who post, or not. i love it. i found a site last week and posted not just a few minutes ago. if this person has the common sense to research the person posting, he will find me, and be linked to all of my links, and all of their links. it's amazing. i put his blog on the side, under Mr. LawyerMan. it describes what he does.. i think that's fantasmic. i mean, i can travel into somebody else's world....

but enough about my wonder and amazement lets talk about the insane woman heading the honor roll breakfast, the one who forced us to practice shaking hands with her and saying thank you. okay, we are on the HONOR ROLL. i think we know how to shake hands. i made the mistake of not saying thanks, mostly because i was thinking, "ARE YOU INSANE?!?!" (which she is). so i had to do it again.

sneeze. sneeze. cough. sneeze. hacks. die. comes back to life. threatens to kill you, but realizes that death has torn away limbs. flails helplessly. someone laughs. HAHA! you're nocturnal.

the killers

for those of you who dislike this group, i pity you. these guys are awesome, yes they are. they can sing the same lines over and over again and still be cool. honestly. i love them. but you know what i hate? people who think they're cool when they're not. ex: "yeah, i know them. that songs called broken dreams." NO. it is not. if you insist on being poserrific, then do it the right way. know the name of the song if you absolutely must mention the name of the song.

i like memorizing songs. i put in a britney spears cd (i bought it so i might as well use it...shutup) and i knew all of the words. to almost every song. except the remake to the cher song, and the beat goes on. that would be wrong to know. but no, i enjoy just sitting down and listening to my music. i now know all of the words to songs that people would never even guess i knew. like aqua's "dr. jones".

my mom and grandmother want me to wear a nice shirt and my black velvet skirt to the honor's breakfast thursday. i see no reason for this. it is only a breakfast. but i will comply, only because i kind of want to see what it looks like. of course, a change of jeans will be by my side. i dont think i could stand wearing the skirt for long. maybe for a while, but not for a whole day. but i might just try it. what will wacky hillary do next? find out next time on....LIFE WITH HILLARYARIOUS HILLARY!

skepticism...

is wrong. i admit, i was a bit skeptical when i came home and found the "stuffed baked potato" flavored pringles. "do they really taste like baked potatos?" i asked. "what EXACTLY is it stuffed with?" these questions were quickly answered when i tried one of these pringles... and found that they are the most delicious fast food items ever created. it was really a stuffed baked potato! but enough about that.

i recently watched armegeddon for the first time. every time i saw my mom watching it, i'd think, "is she crazy? that looks ridiculous." but now that i've seen it, i must say, i love it. ben affleck. bruce willis. that guy from remember the titans. and most of all, liv tyler. not the most talented of actresses, no, but she gets an A for effort.

so i was watching richard nixon's inauguration speech...

and i realized this: richard nixon is (or was, if you truly believe that he is dead) like a penguin. think about it. no really, just think about the similarities of the aquatic bird and the non-crooked-president. neither of them defecate where they consume. neither are crooks. and both are just fun to look at when you're channel surfing. i mean honestly, when was the last time you saw richard nixon or penguins on tv and you didn't stop? now if only the two could be on the same show together, then we'd be a ok...

okay, now serious here: i think i am either utterly and completely spineless or i am too logical for my own good. i like a boy (no kelsie, not that boy). as a matter of fact, everytime i think of this boy, i think of squeals and giggles ( i dont actually do this, but i think about doing this...) occasionally i clap my hands. i dont even know why. but you see, the problem with being in the 8th grade is that you can't GO anywhere. this guy that i like would not be caught dead in the same car as any perosn who could possibly give me a ride anywhere. alright, you know what? i'm done talking about it. on to something else.

i cannot stand american idol. i just can't stand it. these people who cannot sing and think they can get made fun of soo much. it's painful. almost as painful as having a battery shoved in your ear, mixing with your brain fluid and electricuting you. all my friends know the low rider. low rider, ride a little higher. doo doo doo doo doo doo dooo, doo doo doo doo doo. doooooooo. drip a little drip. take a little sip. take a little sip for me-ee...

im sick and tired of being sick and tired

if you couldn't guess from my super duper special title, i am sick. i has an ear infection. but does my ear hurt? that's right, no it doesn't. i'm confused. but you know how it is when you're sick, and you feel everything 10x worse? like, it's cold, but it's nothing you normally can live with, but now that you're sick, you just want to cry and whine? that's how i feel. the only good thing about this sick thing is that i got mashed potatos out of the deal... i would eat kfc every night if it weren't for the fact that they charge $4 for those delicious potatos...

saturday kirstie came over and we ate and ate and ate and ate, for no reason whatsoever. just because. we also got some of those huge, 50-in-1 pixie sticks and ate those, and my head hurt after that... we stayed up watching the falcons/rams game (where we won, thank you very much), but then she had to go and do "homework" on the weekend. grr..

tomorry is the writing test. boy am i happy. i get to spend two hours with my homeroom, a place where i normally don't even spend two minutes. and the writing test isn't just tomorrow, oh no, it's also wednesday. so when i normally don't spend a second more than i have to in there, i have to spend at least four hours. you know why i dont like my homeroom? they call me hilary duff. "hey, hilary, can i be in your next video?" and other inane questions such as this i am asked whenever i go in there. i loathe these people...

on the home front, i dont know what i want to do about my mom. by that i mean, i dont know if i want to just go on pretending its cool for her to act the way she does, or i can keep egging her on just to see if she'll quit acting like the selfish child that she is. i love my parents, i really do, it's just if you had to live with a woman who got mad at you for not going to the grocery store WHEN YOU WERE SICK, you'd think she was a bit immature too.

and last but not least, i think you should all know that i am listening to the white stripes. not only because it was the only cd in the computer room, but it is darn good, that's why. now if you'll excuse me, i think i'm going to go and eat a toasted smores poptart, because they are scrumdiddlyumptious, almost as much as the bagel i had friday...mmm, bagel.

*laughs* *sniffles*

apparently, when i laugh, i sniffle. i had no clue i did this until today, when hannah pointed this out to me. very interesting. we all got a few laughs.

oh, and also apparently, when i wore my pink shirt friday, it spurred quite a reaction from my friend's parents. kelsie's mom, i am told, went, "did hillary lose a bet or something." and gracie's mom, again, i am told, went,"did you get a picture of that?" yes, i'm so proud. i actually kinda laughed about it. twas very funny...

gracie's complaining that i never post about her. but that's only true because she never gets on and posts on her own blog. so here gracie, this is just for you. gracie gracie gracie gracie gracie miriam gracie gracie gracie gracie gracie. satisfied now, you snuffuffagus, you?

academic meet sucked, we lost all three rounds. but it was cool, because kelsie rode the bus home for once, even if gracie wasn't there.

dad's making spaghetti tongiht. oh. my God. i can smell it cooking right now. soooo scrumdiddlyumptious. it would be good if i didn't have ga studies work to do. it feels like it should be friday. it really does. its felt like that all week, and sure, it could just mean i want school to be over with, but honestly. it does feel like friday. thank God that tomorrow it really will be friday tomorrow. but for right now, i must go and eat my delicious spaghetti, even though the white stripes cd has yet to finish, because i'm so hungry. and it smells so good. and right now, i'm very happy. of course, i'm not "giggle until i die because its so stupid to giggle unless you make fun of yourself giggling" happy, but i'm "chuckle, because its underrated and i like to spell the word chuckle" happy, so all if good.

may i be excused?

i'm reading all of these people's blogs, right, trying to catch up, see if i missed anything going on in someone's life. i realized this: one person has just had a baby, three never post anymore, two are hilarious, one is an actual life, and one talks about true real things and opinions. i like to think my blog has these elements in it. but that's not the point of today *refers to title* this is *refers to title again because first reference was not good enough since it shaves monkeys on the long side of the Grand canyon*

i'm sick of people calling themselves "crazy" or "weird". unless you live in a 3 foot deep cave in the middle of the Gobi desert and are singing "we are family" while pretending to be all of the members of sister sledge,then you are just as normal as everybody else. yes, kelsie and chynna, this refers to us, me, you. every single person has their eccentricities. some are obsessed with their tv shows, some with their morbid collections. and that's the beauty of it.

i'm sitting here and i'm thinking about this, and that's what i come up with: that's the beauty of it. everyone can be as 'weird" as they want to be, but they're still the same as the next guy. stuffy business man and angry-punk kid sit next to eachother on a bus, might try to strike up a conversation, but then again, might not. COMPLETELY AVERAGE, EITHER WAY. some people talk to strangers, some are just polite, some are flat-out rude, and some just ignore eachother. everybody does it. no matter who you are, everybody has the same reactions.

i've decided i'm going to change that. i'm going to actually think before i...wait, no, nevermind. screw it. i will never think before i talk. never!!! but i still think that everybody's the same.

i wrote in a paper for lang. arts that the only difference between today and 100 years ago is that instead of farmers having all of the power, lawyers do. i think i'm still right, because that is the only difference. people have, and always will be, exactly like one another, whether they like it or not. so quit complaining about how nobody "gets" you or you're just too "out there" to be understood.

and smile.that idiot over there's got french's on his shirt.

my scariest moment

as i've mentioned before, i dislike this guy shifflet. but he made me think about something that i haven't thought about for a while. today he asked us to think about and describe our scariest moment. thousands of things came into my mind, most of them involving mom and her bottle, but one stood out. now, when he said the scariest moment, i assume he meant when your gut wrenched so bad, you thought you would be sick. he might have just been thinking about "when i almost drowned," or "that time i fell off of a golf cart." i was thinking about when i felt the most unsafe.

when i was about three or four, i lived in another house. i slept in the same room with my mom, and so did my older brother. i'm not entirely sure on this, but one night, me, joey, and mom were huddled together in her room, and they were yelling at eachother. we three were in the bed, and dad had come in. dad started coming towards the bed and mom told him to back away. i started crying. dad punched the wall and left the room. my mom was rocking me and joey back and forth to calm us down. i fell asleep. its so blurry, i sometimes think it was a dream. but i feel so scared when i remember it, that if it were a dream, it'd still be the scariest part of my life.

i wanted to write it here because there are some things i can't write to someone i don't know but who i come in contact with everyday. the details of this thing. don't get me wrong, my dad has only whipped me when i did something wrong. but that man can yell. i think i'm more frightened of getting him mad then of anything else in the world. which is why i keep my grades up, try to stay out of trouble, try to be charming, try to not get on his nerves, be his listener, act interested in his stories. i would do anything for that man, but not just because i love him. i love my parents, both of them, it's just that's not the reason i do the things i do. you know what i mean? i'm sure you don't. kelsie couldn't even think of a scary moment. kelsie, i love you, but when you told me that, i wanted to slap you. not because i hate you or was mad or anything, at least, mad at you. but because i was so angry that you got to have no scary parts. ugh, but anyway, i love you.

i can't write anymore. my arm keeps freezing up. chynna, happy birthday girl. hope you have a great time being 14. what are we doing for your birthday? and what do you WANT for your birthday?

just when you thought the long posts were gone, THERE BACK!!! wun na na!

brain numbing and insane loving

its not that i'm necessarily tired or sleepy. no no, it's not that. dont worry your pretty little head over that. it's just that i'm bored. and i have no desire to move, whatsoever. i actually thought to myself earlier, "hmm, should i move?" and then i immediately answered myself with," nah, i'll just get up when the sheets start to smell worse." i actually thought that, because i have been lying in my sheets all day. and the scary part is, i'm even sort of enjoying this doing absolutely nothing and not worrying about anything that doesn't start with "when am i" and end with "going to eat." i have been watching the second season of the gilmore girls on dvd almost all morning, just sitting there, occupying my thoughts with "i wonder if the show writers knew that luke and lorelai would get together?" yeah, that's what i've been doing, america, and i'm not even ashamed of it.

hey, do you think it's bad if you can't remember whether or not you showered the day before or not? because if it is, then i'm in trouble. this has been a good vacation, looking back on it. nothing really huge happened, then again, nothing happens quite often, so that's good. christmas was good, new year's was good, kelsie and me did our film. i finally went to a group therapy session for the first time in a month. ah, but now i've grown indifferent to informing you of my day. and it doesn't help that my breath smells like cheese. and you think i'm joking, of course you do. who would have those kind of twisted hygeinic problems, you are asking yourself. well, let me tell you. its not that easy to keep up with how much jalepeno cheese is left, now is it? that's right. it's not.

rendevous with a camera

well hello there, people who have survived the year 2004! sorry, i'm tired right now, so i might sound a wee bit stupid, okay?

i have something to explain to you. see, i'm the type of girl who can go to sleep at 3:00 am and wake up at 7:00am, for no other reason than she can't fall back asleep. this annoys me most of the time, because i would like to sleep. i dont normally stay up until 3:00am though, except for last night, when it was new year's and chris was drunk and forced kirstie and i to play sorry and video games. don't worry though, we caught most of it on tape. we're going to play it back to him and see if he remembers, because he was drunk as a monkey last night. he had had like, 4 beers before we started filming. he was a hilarious drunk though, i'll give him that.

the actual rendevous with a camera that i was talking about was mine and kelsie's short movie (like, 4 or 5 minutes, tops) it's for the media festival, which means yes, we finally shot it. kelsie is an anchorwoman (miriam young) and i am the voice of many special characters. its funny. i wish i knew how to put it on the web, because it's just hilarious.

ah, i am definitely sleepier now then i was when i started writing this. so, until later on in the year, it's your good friend, barry the cameraman, signing off.