i dont know

im fooling myself into thinking that im going to stockbridge high next year. its a nice thought. but in all likelihood, im going to dutchtown. im leaving my friends again. im reading books at lunchtime. im not talking. not one single word throughout the entire day. a hellish bus ride. i still dont think anybody realizes just how much i hated that place. how much i hated to come home and feel like i either had to talk to break the monotonous day or that i couldn't talk because it would make me cry. i remember every night for a week i sat outside of chris's door hoping he'd come out and just do something with me, something to take my mind off of that hell. but i realized that he had his own problems. he can barely stand me now. he used to come into my room and just talk with me. then he stopped. then he started talking about how annoying i was and how unlike him i was. which is what brothers are supposed to do, i guess, but it's not what he did.

im registering at stockbridge high. i am convincing myself that im already going to shs. i am not even really processing the fact that im leaving. im living a dream. i know other people have sadder things in there lives, things worth mourning, and im sorry that i sound so pathetic. but you talk throughout the day. i didnt. now i do. now im happy with my friends, with them almost all day, learning thingsa about them and their families, laughing, talking, being indignant when a friend is taken in for questioning. at dutchtown i was being a smart alec and talking only to the teachers to be said smart alec. and one girl, christa. one girl. one girl, who was just so nice. and another girl, who i dont even remember the name of, who thought i was a "good listener", meaning she'd talk to me but i didnt talk to her. i just sympathetically nodded with her.

ugh, give me some cheese to go with this whine, please. sorry for disgusting you all. its just something i cant not think about. like music, it keeps going round and round in my head. but at least you can get rid of one song with another.

!!!!

i am just a ball of energy today. i have absolutely no clue why. i feel like a could run a mile. just my luck, the one time i want to run, its raining.i think i know why i want to run....because i am listening to my brand spanking new jet cd! that's right, jet. the most awesome band ever. okay, well, maybe not ever, but their music is sooo energetic. i lovessssss it.

or maybe its because ive done most of my homework (except for a major project that probably won't be done, but let's not tell anybody about this, shall we?) like, ive done some of my homework for most of the week, especially in reading. and algebra. its weird for algebra now. today, kelsie didnt finish her work. i finished in like 17 minutes. kelsie normally finishes soon after me. gracie hardly ever finishes, but thats because she takes her time and works things out and i cant even try to do that. my brain wont work that way. but its weird. the stuff we're learning doesn't seem that difficult. if i were to take a test on it, id win.

or it could be because we chose our classes for high school today. or that i worked the camera on this morning's news show at school (and i did a good job on it, too, even though the eighth grade is supposed to be "fading out" because we're leaving) this one girl, lets call her mandy, seems to think my shots aren't good enough though. even though the other girl's shots make the people look like frikkin giants. but i think that's just because she's evil and she wears potato shoes...which for the life of me, i cant understand why anyone would even want to put them on their feet.

ahh, its just been a good day. riveting, exciting, rewarding. me and kelsie finished something that's not due for at least another few days. its just...exhillerating. it's been so long since ive felt this excited for a reason that's not because of a tv show. *squeals in delight*

(i know this post made me sound like the teenage girl that i am, but that's okay. you know why? because i take comfort in the fact that i know more about pink floyd then most adults do...)

I KNOW WHY I'M HAPPY! IT'S BECAUSE OF THE SPAGHETTI AND THE CHOCOLATE....OH YES!!!!

i dont know what to say

i'd like to say im ticked off. and i am a little bit, but not something that can't be mended. it seems like chance never gets punished, and excuse me for sounding like the older sister here, but he never gets punished and he's always in trouble at school. some might see this as a discipline problem and a way to start teaching your kids how to act. not my parents. let chance throw his hissy fits, they'll pass....im worried about him. the school is talking about expelling him. and he's in the third grade. aghh.

for some reason, people have come up to me and told me that i was the smartest person they knew, and while that has made me feel better (who wouldn't like that?), it makes me wonder. why do they think that? these aren't morons who are complimenting me, but people who i think are extremely smart myself, like my brother and one of my friends. i know how egomaniacal i sound talking about this, but that's been on my mind. i dont have the most common sense in the world. i memorize things in books and whatnot, and remember it for later, which is how i know all of this random junk stored in my head. i dont know. it just disturbs me sometimes, and makes me feel a little good about myself, especially since HE was one of the people who complimented me...

ive come to realize something today. people can't stand when you outstare them. it creeps them out or drives them nuts. this one girl decided she was going to get mad at me today for me throwing something at her that she threw at me. i decided to stare at her. this made her back down. chance decided he was going to start hitting me today (and im happy to say, i now fight back, rather than just let him think he can do that to me), and i just stared at him until he called me a freak and walked off. it didn't really hurt, him calling me a freak, because i have been called that before, by worser people. mothers tend to make sure they hurt you the most.

but i havent been scared in a while now. not of a person, anyways. its all about being polite, i think. if you're polite, you have nothing to be scared of, and if you're polite and stare, you're unbeatable. not to say im not scared of other things. but thats another post. another story, hopefully less than a week away (and im sure all...1 of you are counting the days)

much more theology...WHAT FUN!!!

so one night i was talking to jw about what Jehovah's Witness' believe in. we talked. he offered some books. this was about a week ago. i started reading one today. in the middle of my reading, it occured to me, this thought that i dont know what to do with: what if this is all bull? i mean, i know that there has to be a reason that we're all here. but Jeh. Wit. can't anwer that without referring to God. they can answer everything else but that. they believe only 144,000 people will go to heaven. they have an answer for that. it just got to me. why are there so many religions ? they can't all be right. you'd think that God would have made his plan more definitive. I know this sounds pessimistic and whiny. i know other people are going through other things and need a God to rely on. but i want to know how it all fits. i just...i dont know. it just seems ridiculous. i want to understand so i can feel like im loved, i guess, which i know sounds weird, but that's how i feel.

anyway. you know, today was st. patrick's day. i love this day. it's the best day of the year. kelsie keeps asking me why. well, here's part of the answer: it's a day for fun. its not a day about how many presents you get or how cool they are. it's not a day about yourself. it's a day about laughing and drinking and playing and pinching.

plus, i've always wanted to go to ireland. i lso want to go to italy and learn italian and be there forever. but i doubt that will happen. unless i become a pilot. that'd be cool. seeing the world. making a decent living. really, i think it's be awesome....

so now we know that hillary's career choice of the week is to be an airplane pilot. YAY!

here's where i cram about a week's worth of stuff into one post

trying to stay away from the internet lately. not only does it rot your brain (which can't be true), but it's starting to get boring. people post the same things.

since i actually live my life and know what happens in it, i will not recount it here, except if i happen to find a funny anecdote which im sure will please you. i will say that i skipped school friday, but since there was nothing really going on that day, it was boring. so we've learned our lesson, haven't we children? don't skip school when there's nothing on at the movie theater (especially if the only real movies playing are about a dog, a dating man, or a navy seal babysitter).

i will now proceed to summarize other peoples' blogs because i am really just that bored.

kelsie: never updates, but when it happens, very cool
gracie: ditto
kirstie: haven't heard from her blog since my birthday
jermemy: hilarious. you know what they say about mormons...not that, though....
Mr. LawyerMan: i could do better...any suggestions for a new blog friend?
Jennifer: sometimes sad, but she's like the supportive wonderful mother i wish i had.
TFANDANGO: sometimes funny, mostly realistic. very fantasmic
mine and kelsie's blog: hardly ever updated, but good if you want the history of the friendship of the psychos...
simone's blog: again, very cool. first blog i ever found, and the best one to date, since it's the only one constantly updated and always interesting..
chelsea's blog: very interesting. it's like she always on the exact same wavelength as me.

speaking of which, chelsea brought up an interesting point, one that i've been thinking about which seems kind of ridiculous unless you are an adolescent female, but there you go. ahh, now im too exhausted writing that very long sentence to tell you. just go read her blog.

seriously, if you're going to listen to pink floyd and quote it, learn what they're saying. come on.

pencil?

My friends are great. remember how i cut off my hair and donated it to locks for love a little while ago? well, nathan, our hilarious friend who resembles me, did that too. he grew out his hair (and resembled me so much, i heard about it all the time) and today he cuts it, making him look like joey. Click

here

to see him (i think...unless i put giberish, and in the case, sorry....)

our gym is positioned in a way that there is an upstairs and a walkway up there around the grm floor. kelsie and i often walk up there during free time in p.e. the other day, we were walking up there, and gracie and various other friends were sitting downstairs. k&me found various debris and threw them at them, making them angry and making us laugh. i doubt it will make anyone else laugh, but since i dont want to put the fact that i am really the person who murdered william o'shea, i will put this.

"hello, miss?" what do you mean, miss? "sorry, i thought you were a lady from behind." that's rude. "well, sorry, old man?" how do you know im old? "well, i couldn't just call you man, now could i?" no, but you could have called me derick. "i didnt know your name was derick." that's because you didn't bother to find out. "well, derick." who said my name was derick? "you did, just now." no i didn't. i said you could have called me derick. that doesn't mean that derick is my name. "oh, shutup!"

doshnobbit

i try not to swear. when i use my substitutions, it makes me laugh. apparently, i shouldn't say "aushwitz" outloud. it either makes people laugh or scrath their heads in confusion.

apparently monty python is not 14 year old girl material. my dad was worried about this. then he realized he was talking to me. see, my dad has horrible hiding places, so if he were to take the cd and hide it, i'd probably find where it is. but that's not the point.

the point is, he took the comfy chair. we should kill him. you know, we're all going to die anyway. you boys should just eat me. "eat you?" yes, eat me. "*shifts eyes*" what, you don't want to eat me? "well, sir, i'd much rather eat william" why? does william taste better than me? "*doesn't answer*"

sorry about that.

you know sometimes, they smother a victim in honey, and then they cut off his finger, fry it, and feed it to the prisoner. he thinks he's getting a treat, and he eats it. amazingly, everybody laughs at him. but then again, it is rather hilarious...