this year in thought

I don't think a whole lot of change has happened for me. Essentially, I'm still the same person. I've stopped driving at night and rebelled against the dishes, but that's all surface stuff. It showed me who I am, actually. I am a scared girl who's going blind, but I'm also someone who's not afraid to have everything taken away at the expense of her beliefs (even if, bugger, they're not very practical).

The biggest change, I think, has been the relationship with my friends.

Sometime before the school year ended, Kelsie told us she was opting to go ahead and go to Woodland. I was absolutely crushed. Even though I logically knew that she was going because it was better (and, ahem, it is), I couldn't help but feel that she was leaving us, leaving me. I think I tried to keep it in check a little bit, but out of nowhere I would just feel so angry. I think she remembers that, because when it happened, I usually punched her arm. And then she went to Woodland, and we started off our Junior year at separate schools. Those first few weeks were so...listless. It wasn't really the same. I'd find myself thinking, "Kelsie would think she is so cool," or, "Kelsie would hate this lady." And it seemed like she didn't have the same problem, which hurt a little bit. Every time something good happened to her (and it happened a lot, because she's so special), I took that as further proof that it was better to be away from her. I don't know if or when I'll get over that. :(

Then Gracie. I guess you could say without Kelsie we've become closer, but not. Our conversations tend to focus more on sex and guys (of which, sadly, there are no cute ones) and Lee. She seems more and more sure of herself, and she's putting herself out there, but like with Kelsie, I'm selfish and thinking that I'm being abandoned. Sigh.

Even though we're not all together, we try to make time every week to hang out, which I can tell you, isn't easy. Normally, I dread going over there, because I know we're just about to leave in an hour. And I'm right to dread it. That hour, I realize how close we are, and it is so difficult for me to get in the car and drive away.

I suppose that, yes, things have changed for me. I started off the year after drinking a little bit of alcohol, and I haven't drank any since. I've started to distance myself from my mother. I put all of my money in a place that's supposed to help me get into college, but it doesn't seem to be helping so far. Harold died, and I realized that I haven't seen my aunt in over two years...and wondered if that made her my aunt, still. I went on the Birth Control. I got a new fish. My old fish died. Then my new fish died. Pollen attacked and covered the ground, the cars, the trees with yellow. I slept on a bed outside in the middle of March. I built a guillotine. Gilmore Girls ended. My favorite teacher ever moved away, along with a good friend, and I miss them dearly. I got black frames for my glasses. I survived, but Brooke, Shika, and Joe did not. Finished Harry Potter. Started Twilight. Realized how much I love the summer. Procrastinated until the very last day to do my summer work. Realized my school sucks ass and doesn't actually care about education. Smelled the flower freezer. Ate Icees. Made it to Laura's Halloween party. Saw Kelsie in a pageant and Gracie win homecoming princess. Made it to GHP state. Joined student council. Joined Prom Committee.

I think that's it. That and other stuff. Other people. Other things.

I think this next year is going to be very different.

le iPod

I've only had it since this morning, but I love it.

I've already got about 15 hours worth of songs on here, which really isn't a whole lot if you consider that I only added the full albums we have, and haven't gone through the long process of adding individual songs or importing CDs because the rest of my family would like to get on the computer some time.

Ha, it's so cute! Joey got me the cutest little leather case thingy. I love it!

Merry Christmas to you all!

countdowns.

All this last week I was counting down days until school was out.
I was counting down the days until we graduate (270).
I was counting down days until Christmas (3).
I was counting down days until the Potter Party (6).


All of these countdowns are making me pretty happy.

Ha, I got a 76 on Trig and it brought my grade down 5 points. Lame.

Last night, Gracie's dad took us to see Sweeney Todd (with Kelsie, of course).
I don't know what to make of it. It wasn't scary, per se. Disturbing, but not scary. I don't imagine that anyone around these parts are going to go off the deep end and start slitting people's throats to make them into meat pies. I did like that I knew that one song (kudos to you, Jersey Girl/Kevin Smith, you god you). I guess I liked it, overall. It's just not the kind of movie that you need to see more than once.

Yay! School's OUT for Christmas!

dear prudence won't you come out to play?

Ha. I always thought that was funny.

Today wasn't so bad. Boring, but not bad.

Started off with the two study periods (lame). Neither of them really helped at all. Then we did APUSH exam, which was so easy it was almost hard. I don't know what to think about that. Then English, which I couldn't even study for at all because it was a practice AP exam, which you ALSO can't study for. Ew. I don't know. I think I did okay on that one. Not sure, though.

So tonight, I should really study for Trig, because I haven't studied for it at all and it's probably going to be a bitch in my ass.* Also, I should look over some Public Safety stuff. And I really should do those current events for Chemistry, but I probably won't, because they're not due until Friday.

I feel bad, though, because I hurt Gracie's feelings. I didn't mean to, it's just...you know how I can be. When I'm annoyed, it's hard for me NOT to say it. And I haven't said it for a few weeks. So it came out mean. Gah. I'm ridiculous.

Oh well. Less than a week!

*Put that in your quotables list this year.

but oh oh those summer nights

Winter is back with a vengeance. My feet are like ice. !

Joey had his bonfire last night. /Played Halo directly underneath my bedroom, so I couldn't get to sleep. Except for the fact that I fell asleep at like, 10. Whatchever.

I'm loving having a cell phone. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

One more week of school and then we're OUT. Ha, I love it. 275 school days left until I've graduated. Hell yes.

I think I'm going to research some tattoos. I've been experimenting with different designs, and I'm wondering how they'll be costwise. I'm going to try to convince my gma to pay for it on my birthday. How kickass would that be?

I finally feel like I'm not a loser friend wise, so that's nice. Love wise is still not so great, but who cares? Well, I care, but does it matter at the moment?

I actually feel a little bit like doing some homework..and it's not 8 on Sunday night! Astounding.

Finals are a bitch, though. AP Multiple Choice exams suck. As does all of Chemistry. But I'm going to do the extra credit stuff, and maybe my grade will stay afloat even AFTER the final. Maybe. And trig...well, we'll see when we get there. Public Safety and Spanish should be breezes though, and I only have to study a little bit for APUSH. Nice.

Rambling's fun. I want to see Atonement, dammit! And the Golden Compass. AH!

summer lovin'.

so it's not actually summer. But it sure as hell feels like it! Ah, I love it. I wore a short sleeve T today. AHHH! I forgot what my arms felt like without layers of clothing all on me. It was nice. Though I still love the cold. So there, Kelsie.


I've been listening to rap music. I love it. Ha, I'm such a nerd.

I should study for the multiple tests I have. Or bake muffins. Or...whatever. Ha, I don't care.

Mm. There's not really much to post.

Gonna go type up stuff for Writer's Workshop. Nice.

my weekend

was eventful.

Saturday morning I finished most of my Christmas shopping (two more gifts!), then later that day I went to Katie's for her sleepover. It was...different. Mostly richer, Christian girls (who all went to the same church). But I'm fine just listening most of the time, so it was okay. Katie's house is awesome. She has a foosball table AND a Wii. It was amazingly good fun. But then we woke up this morning and I ate this nasty egg/sausage casserole and I almost threw up. Ew.

Then, today, we went to McDonough to go shopping for the Angel Tree kids. I think I did okay. I had a bit of fun, so that's good.

And now I'm just waiting for the towels to dry so I can get in the shower and maybe study.

so pretty much

today's been a good day.

Finished my paper.
Organized Gracie's notebook.
Read a poem.
Used my cell phone (HA!)
Rescued a friend's bag.

Now all I have to do tomorrow is
Skip Writer's Workshop to go to the Beta meeting.
Read chapter 8 and study it.
Tell Barnes I won't be in class at all on Friday.
Memorize "O Captain! My Captain!"
Study for my Spanish test.
Finish the poster/print out the paper for my Trig project.
Study for my Trig test.
Bake cupcakes for Chili Cookoff.

And then Friday I just need to
Sell popcorn.
Sell tickets.
Man a pep rally.
Go to a meeting after school.
Study chapters 1-8, quizzes and tests.
Study Renaissance and Romantic American writers.
Study more Trig.


It helps when I write it all down. Be prepared for a list on Saturday about my goings on next week.

los clubes

son malos. No me gustan porque todos necesitan dinero, dinero que no tengo. AY!

In other news: I'm in love with Peter Pan, the live action version from 2003. Que fantastico!

I was going to start my math project, but my dad was on the computer, and now I have lost the will to do so.

I can tell the difference between red and white corn chips, because I'm THAT amazing.

I love to make a fool of myself. What else is new?

I asked a gay guy to the prom. He told me he'd think about it. Ew.

It's December! Yay!