I really think I'm about to waste a year of my life.
I'm so tired of competing. But it's not in my nature to not compete. I'm tired of stressing about school and miscellaneous things. So I came up with an out.
I'm giving this a year. After the year, if I still feel the same (I haven't even had a class yet) I'm going to drop out, get a 9-5 job, and maybe get an apartment or something. I'm more excited about this than I am about college, but it's still a big step, I know.
The thing is, it hurts to breathe. And my arm is shaking.
I'm scared.
8.13.2009
8.05.2009
leaving
in a week.
I'm so scared, but I'm starting to get that little hint of excitement. Everything's going to be different, but I absolutely hate change. I think, though, that I'll get used to it in that slow, grudging way that I do. Hopefully. It seems that whenever things change in my life I'm always hesitant to accept it, but it generally does work for the better. Except for 8th grade. *Shudder*
I think, since I can actually get on now that I'm on my computer for school, that I'll be updating pretty regularly from now on.
Money is scaring me. I had $400 at the beginning of the summer and I'm down to $90. I shouldn't have gone on vacation and spent so much money. It was good that I did: Kelsie and Gracie and I got to have our closure and our fun. But now I've still got all of these things I need to buy for school and I can't afford it. I've got a job but I might have already lost it because I haven't checked my uga mail most of the summer. Why can't anyone send stuff by mail anymore, I say? I took out the max amount of loans that I can, but I have no clue when I'm going to get the money to pay for books. Which, you know, is always a good thing. This, and the fact that I just know I'm going to get lost all over campus, are things that keep me up at night.
I'm still tired. I don't know, it's like this whole summer I've been in a fog. I can't get out of it. I was able to snap out for a while, and that was a pretty amazing day. I thought it'd be over then, but no: the fog just crept back over me the next morning.
I'm going to miss all of my friends. M, who I think knows me the absolute best, has already written me off because she doesn't want to work on it while we're in different schools. Kinda hurts. What can you do though?
Oy vey. I've got a caffeine headache. I've been trying to stay away from it since I don't want to be dependent...but water is just so boring.
;)
I'm so scared, but I'm starting to get that little hint of excitement. Everything's going to be different, but I absolutely hate change. I think, though, that I'll get used to it in that slow, grudging way that I do. Hopefully. It seems that whenever things change in my life I'm always hesitant to accept it, but it generally does work for the better. Except for 8th grade. *Shudder*
I think, since I can actually get on now that I'm on my computer for school, that I'll be updating pretty regularly from now on.
Money is scaring me. I had $400 at the beginning of the summer and I'm down to $90. I shouldn't have gone on vacation and spent so much money. It was good that I did: Kelsie and Gracie and I got to have our closure and our fun. But now I've still got all of these things I need to buy for school and I can't afford it. I've got a job but I might have already lost it because I haven't checked my uga mail most of the summer. Why can't anyone send stuff by mail anymore, I say? I took out the max amount of loans that I can, but I have no clue when I'm going to get the money to pay for books. Which, you know, is always a good thing. This, and the fact that I just know I'm going to get lost all over campus, are things that keep me up at night.
I'm still tired. I don't know, it's like this whole summer I've been in a fog. I can't get out of it. I was able to snap out for a while, and that was a pretty amazing day. I thought it'd be over then, but no: the fog just crept back over me the next morning.
I'm going to miss all of my friends. M, who I think knows me the absolute best, has already written me off because she doesn't want to work on it while we're in different schools. Kinda hurts. What can you do though?
Oy vey. I've got a caffeine headache. I've been trying to stay away from it since I don't want to be dependent...but water is just so boring.
;)
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