the nightmare begins

agh. high school. i hate it already, and i haven't even started it. went to open house thursday to "view" the school. holy crap. my schedule's got me going from one trailer at the front to another at the back, to the middle of the school, and then down three different halls miles apart. AGH!

at least i have SOME classes with gracie and kelsie. granted, only one (geography) with gracie, and spanish and geometry with kelsie. but i was hoping to have math with kelsie, since we're super smart when put together on a math problem. and i'm glad i got gracie in geography, because she's uber awesome at social studies and whatnot.

hopefully, i have more classes with other people i like. hope to see sammy or nathan or james or anybody from our group. but my biggest worry about high school is seriously how the hell i'm supposed to go to all these classes within five minutes. WHEN am i gonna be able to even find my locker, let alone USE it?

grr.

from asdf.com

I just thought your site was kickin'. :) If I could use a publishing company for something, I would go through you. :) You guys really are on track with your theories, and only few people such as you have actually touched the inner meaning of asdf, the true sanctum. One such example, "asdf" converted into morse code is .- ... -.. ..-. If you take the .'s and convert them to 0's and take the -'s and convert them to 1's, you get the binary number of 010001000010, which is 1090 in decimal. The year 1090 just happens to be 2 years after Christodoulos of Patmos, supported by Emperor Alexius I Komnenos, founded the monastery of Saint John the Theologian on Patmos. Only *4* years after the year 1090 AD... The First Crusade (1095-99) captured Jerusalem; and the Latin Kingdom of Jerusalem begins. Now because the Crusade on Jerusalem happened only a short time after the crucial year 1090, we can convert the letters ASDF into the ancient hebrew alphabet, and we get Aleph Vov Daled Samech (because of the differences in alphabets, these might not be accurate translations). We take the letters, and convert them into one word. Alephvovdaledsamech -- which converted phonetically sounds like "A lef volv da leads a mech". We can then read these sounds into words, and we get "A left Volvo does leads a mech." Going further, we get "A left Volvo does lead the mechanics", or "A left Volvo does lead the mechanical industry". We can then read into it, that a "left Volvo", obviously a car made in a country where you drive on the left side of the road, will one day lead the mechanical, or automobile industry. Ford Motors Inc. must have found out about this information before I could disclose it to you -- for they just bought Volvo. Ford is obviously trying to change this age-old Hebrew prophecy, and claim the automobile industry for themselves! You must rally the people! To the top of Mount Sinai! We shall stop them yet! ARMAGEDDON HAS BEGUN


ha!

certainly

wasn't expecting actual listeners on that last post. very frightening. gracie says it's because i kicked butt, but i think the scariest part is:

how did all of these people find my blog within two hours of when i posted that message? strange coincidence. gracie said maybe they'd typed "kick booty speech" in the google-ator (or what have you) and got my blog. what's weirder is that as i type this, there are no comments other than my own that go past the two hour mark on the comments. they ended at 12:40 am. that kinda creeps me out, that's for sure.

oh, gahshness, i just posted about a post. strange times. very strange, indeed...

i will say this once and for all

for those morons out there who think that blogs are just for whiny babies who want the whole world to know the most mundane things in their lives, i hate you. you judge what you don't know. and if that sounds cliche, think about this: maybe you're just scared to put yourself out there like other people. or maybe you know that negative gets more reaction than positive. any way, i hate that you judge me for wanting to type on the internet instead of write in a journal. at least when i post on this blog, i feel like somebody's listening or understanding, even if i get absolutely no comments for a week. i feel like i'm valued, and if that's not good enough for someone who has to harp on every single little thing, than screw you.

i'm writing this to no one in particular. suddenly, though, i felt angry at all of these hypocracies. i'm the world's biggest hypocrite, but that doesn't mean i'm not sick of it. i say i watch scary movies all the time, but i haven't in years. i judge people on the music they listen to, and even make some people feel bad about it, because i won't shutup about it. i want to be skinny but i don't want to do anything about it. i want to scream, but i stay silent. if i hear of a band name that might be even the tiniest bit cool, i immediately claim that i've listened to every one of their songs. wait, how did this become about my faults?

i hate it. just, agh...

south carolina

that's where i went on vacation. first, me and my grandma (hereafter known as bee) drove up to charleston. sitting in a car all day? not fun. but, that's mostly what the trip consisted of, so there you go.

charleston was BEAUTIFUL. we stayed at the indigo inn, which had a courtyard with fountains and whatnot. we did a horse drawn carriage ride tour around the battery. the guide was funny. couldn't hear a word she was saying. i was trying so hard not to laugh, because everyone was nodding at her like they knew what she was talking about, when i couldn't understand a single thing. next day, we hit the market. took us forever just to get through half of it. shopping wonderment, seriously. if only i had more money.....

we then drove up to myrtle beach. found it swarming with teenage derelicts, 100 beachware stores (mostly by the name of waves or pacific or eagles), 500 putt putt places (again, most of them were the same with themes like treasure island or hawaiin vacation.) what i want to know is, why would you do the hawaiin vacation one if you really wanted to completely experience myrtle beach?

anyway, night came around, and we went to the pavillion, a cross between six flags and a fair. it had roller coasters ( i rode SC's biggest one...my first roller coaster ride ever had to be a good one, right?) and short lines, so i loved it. we also hit a gift shop called the gay dolphin. biggest frikkin gift shop i've ever been in. went on for what seemed like miles and miles.

next day, we hit broadway on the beach, also filled with shopping places. i tell you something; if i had money, myrtle beach would be the first place i would go. they have THE BEST stuff i've ever seen. we were shopping for at least 4 or 5 hours before we got hungry and went to eat some barbecue. that night, we went to the carolina opry to see...what else? the carolina opry. and it was pretty good. much better than i thought it'd be. i even wore a *gasp* sleeveless, purple shirt and a *big, big gasp* pretty, colored skirt. i caught myself in the mirror somewhere and didn't even recognize me, i swear. really weird.....

then, thursday came, and we headed home after hitting the beach. we were in that car all day long. we left the beach at 10 and didn't get home till 8. and bee didn't want to listen to the radio, and i don't like listening to music that other people can't hear. it seems rude. plus, if you want to start singing to it, you can't, because the other person gets annoyed. so i sat in that car almost all day staring out the window. we did stop for an hour to eat. i had the best crab legs in the world (well, since they were my first, i can't be sure of that....)

let me tell you, crab legs are really tasty, but they're a pain in the arse to eat. i spilled iced tea all over the table, just trying to get the shell off. not pretty.

agh, so i'm tired, and i'm gonna go. glad to be back!!!

i'm off. have fun without me. i'm sure you will though, you little prostitute.

striving

to look for good things in a dreary world,
but also, inexplicably, expecting it.
the thought that an old lady was mugged
makes you remember how wonderful your grandma is
and how nothing will ever happen to her
because this world is cruel,
but not to you.

you expect the husband to come home for his baby
like he did in the commercial
but sometimes they don't.
sometimes, women get rid of their children
sometimes, it's for a better life, but other times, it's not.
and of course you think,
i will never be this cruel.

we're all striving to make a difference,
but differences in our lives are often acceptable
to us, we who want the world to be perfect.
and there is good. much good. but it's
overclouded by semeritans and muggers.

madness of all kinds of sorts

so i spent the night at gracie's with kelsie last night. sooo much fun. we were gonna film a real, life of mariam young movie, but we scrapped that for some reason. we also got footage of us just sitting around, talking. just, about random things. i was laughing so hard. it was great. it's weird, but they had a copy of charlie and the chocolate factory from the library, and when we were watching pirates of the caribbean, i decided to read it. wasn't that good, though. but we all stayed up until at least 3 am...i stayed up longer though. and of course, i'm the one that woke up at 7 in the morning. gracie was up for a little while, but she went back to sleep. i kept talking really loud to try and wake them up, which they didn't do until 10 frikkin 30. argh.

but my mom got off work, picked me up, took me to quicktrip to get one of my favorite fountain drinks IN THE WORLD. we were gonna go to media play to get the harry potter book, but joey had already gotten it. and since i was slated first to read it, i locked myself in my room (i think it was about 1:00). i took some breaks, but not for long. i just finished reading it a couple of minutes ago. and it was.....sooooo.....frikkin.....SWEET!. just, oh, the ending is so shocking. loved it.

cant wait to see charlie and the choc. factory tomorrow. i'm nervous about going to south carolina (where we're going now, since the kentucky plan fell through.) i can't wait to get back, already. that's kinda sad, isn't it? oh well. i'll live.

don't you hate that vomitty feeling?

Like, one minute you're completly fine, but the next, out of nowhere, you just nned to vomit? Ugh, that's been coming at me like crazy lately. Gross. Moving on.

I'm glad Simone made the list. I like it when people put themselves out there. It's cool to watch. I think It's good to let people know little tidbits about yourself. Then, when you realize it or start doing it, you'll think, "at least I know that about myself."

I've been watching Veronica Mars lately (the only thing I can watch in reruns, since I didn't see the whole season), and I noticed the title song. I looked it up, and it is by what i now think is the best band ever to be featured on a television show. Their name? The Dandy Warhols. Their album? Odditorium or Warlords of Mars. Weirdest name ever, I think.

I want to write a poem about Kari. I feel so....sad about her.

it's great

to wake up in the morning to rain. the best part is, the sun isn't shining, so you can sleep as long as you want. i of course, only slept till 8:00, but i went to bed almost 10 hours earlier, so i wasn't feeling to bad about that.

it's also great to wake up without your parents their dictating what you can have for breakfast. great to just look in the freezer and go, "hmm, i think i'll have ice cream and popcorn for breakfast." thank goodness we have orange juice now, or else there would have been no nutritional value whatsoever during that meal...except for maybe the dairy in the ice cream.

whenever i think about ice cream, i think about the food pyramid. ice cream's on top, but it starts to melt (because heat rises), and it starts hanging out with all the other food....so maybe that means ice cream is more nutritional than i thought.....hmm.

oh, well

guess i'm not that interesting. thought so. thank goodness i was right, or else i'd have to hang myself for being wrong.

i had fun making the list though. expect more super duper long lists in the future. thanks, jennifer....

i had a heavy duty knife out earlier to cut something up, and it broke. just broke. no, "oh, i think i'm tired, i'll lie down for a sec.". nope, just tore off. i can't even close my knife up now. the scary thing is, i was trying to destroy a backstreet boys video. i kid you not (though, if you don't believe me, ask yourself, "who wouldn't want to tear up a backstreet boys video?")

ah, i'm tired. and comedy central still isn't playing dimitri martin, darn them.

100 things you didn't know about me (preceeded by jen's list)

1. i love brocolli, because it's what i would eat at my grandmother's house when i was little.
2. i'm a hypocrite and a liar, and i know it.
3. i love my friends, even the ones i haven't talked to since before school ended. (like chynna or pam).
4. when i hate someone, they can be easily forgiven if they do something nice or make me laugh, even if they're someone like kandis.
   
5. it doesn't take much for me to make me hate you, so it doesn't take much to make me forget about it.
6. sometimes, i get so mad, i forget everything i'm thinking and just concentrate on my hands, which have begun clenching and unclenching themselves.
7. i really can't decide who my favorite singer is, but i love listening to cassie franklin's lady margaret over and over.
8. i only sing songs in their entirety from the soundtrack to cold mountain, because those are the only songs i can remember without having to listen to the music.
9. 95% of the music i listen to once, the next time i can at least sing half of the song.
10. if i read something about how bad something is, i immediately say i hate it (as a result, i haven't listened to my s club 7, avril lavigne, or ashlee simpson cds in a while, and also haven't brought myself to watch gigli)
11. i love the movie glitter. i love any movie with good singing except for musicals....
12. i cry in the "sad" parts of comedy movies.
13. i haven't watched any of the movies i have in my room (about 50 or so) in over two weeks.
14. if i don't watch a movie at least once a day, it's because i'm somewhere where a tv/vcr isn't available.
15. i can sing and carry on a conversation at the same time.
16. i'm scared to death of going to high school
17. i think i signed up for too many honors classes.
18. i'm often mistaken for a suckup, but the truth is, i have nothing better to do than homework, and i don't like not getting good grades.
19. when i got an 89 in the fourth grade, i cried intermittenly for a week, and won't stop complaining about it.
20. during a st. simon's island trip, i stole some spanish moss from a tree before the guide told us that there were chiggers hidden in them....i then put it in a plastic baggie (which i packed because i'm so smart.)
21. i want to live someplace where street racing won't be a problem, because i love speed.
22. when i get mad, i picture myself ripping everything apart and pissing everybody off.
23. but when i get mad, i think about what i'm going to say, and most people forget why i'm mad at them when i finally confess that i am.
24. most of the time, i'm being sarcastic mean to people that have hurt me in front of my friends or my friends.
25. i've only been really mean on purpose a few times.
26. really mean for me entails me thinking through what i'm going to say, knowing that it will be mean, but saying it anyway.
27. i hate the way my body looks.
28. if i could still eat chicken, i would be able to become a vegetarian.
    
29. when i start listening to a cd, i often skip a lot of songs, leaving only about 10 minutes of use for the cd.
30. i've only really hated a few movies...i'm probably the most lenient judge when it come to crappy movies.
31. i cry everytime i see the end, middle, and beginning of pay it forward.
32. i cried reading harry potter.
33. i pretty much cry at anything that rouses any emotion.
34. one time, me and kirstie went out into the lot and said every cuss word we knew and phrase involving a cuss word we knew.. we were out there for about 20 minutes.
35. i've known kirstie since i was three years old, gracie since i was about 10, and kelsie when i was maybe 11.
36. my mom used to live next door to my dad's mom's future boyfriend's daughter.
    
37. i suck at any kind of sport.
38. in second grade, i was one of the best volleyball players on my team, which was the best in the school.
39. i never, ever participated in jump rope for heart, because i was lazy and fat.
40. sometimes i fake that someone hit my cyst so they'll stop hitting/attacking/attempting to dunk me in the pool.
41. i love e.r., but hate that weird dr. kovac guy and mekhi pheipher.
42. napoleon dynamite was NOT the best movie i've ever seen...it was good, but i can't watch it more than once every three or four months, at least.
43. before i saw n.d., i knew half of the quotes.
44. after everyone saw n.d., i could quote the whole movie (though not entirely with the accents).
45. i've never been in real trouble.
46. in the third grade, i brought a book to school about rape and loaned it to a friend, who got it taken up.
47. i was called to the principal's office, and he confiscated the book, but nothing else really happened.
48. my best friend used to be tesla starr.
49. apparently, i thought she was the worse person in the world, because when she started homeschool the next year, i badmouthed her to everybody.
50. that was the year i met gracie.
51. if she hadn't gone to homeschool, i might be the biggest snob in the world...even bigger than kayla s.
52. i used to steal gel pens from the guy sitting next to me.
53. i know i'm smarter than most people my age, but i'm not smarter than my friends.
    
54. most people my age are complete idiots....it's not a "oh, he's just 15 thing." they're real morons.
55. my favorite teacher of all time would have to be mrs. oliver, followed by ms. seagraves and mr. shiflett.
56. i used to have a crush on sammy, jw, mathan, and james (at different times).
57. the only person i've told before now is jessica ken.
58. i'm completely jealous of tara starr because she has money and i don't.
59. i never really liked any of the girls i had to hang out with at school.
60. most of the guys were okay, because they were almost always funny.
61. if they weren't funny, they were in a bad mood, and i got to go into "hillary's a very nice and protective person mode."
62. i've only threatened to beat up my brothers and chynna (and really meant it).
63. everytime i think of when i threatened to beat her up, i feel completely guilty about it.
64. i get sad that i never get any phone calls or mail.
65. i get mad at myself for getting sad over such a stupid thing.
66. i quit basketball camp after the second day because i hurt all over, sucked, and couldn't face having to go back the next day and be humilated.
67. everytime i had gym this year, i knew i'd have it beforehand (even at dutchtown.)
68. i still talk to the one person who i really liked at dutchtown sometimes.
69. i didn't like family guy until chance made me watch it.
70. i still don't like to watch the newest episodes of it.
71. i can't stand to watch south park, didn't watch all of team america, but love the guys behind both things.
72. i've only seen baseketball twice, but can quote any part from it.
73. my favorite line from any movie is from empire records: lucas:"i think everything's going to be okay, joe." joe"what makes you think that?" lucas: "who knows where thoughts come from, they just appear."
74. i introduced my family to empire records one at a time, watching it with each and every one of them.
75. it was all within a week of eachother.
76. i'm scared to get my cyst taken out, because there's a slight shance they could hit the nerve around it and paralyze my left hand.
77. i hate going to the beach, because i get all sticky and smell funny.
78. apparently, when i was about three, i saw my uncle, sat him down, and wouldn't stop talking for over an hour.
79. when i was little, i went with my grandparents to waffle house, ordered bacon that wasn't yucky (which i immediately sent back) and a glass filled with ice and a spoon.
80. my grandparents didn't know what i was going to do, so they sat and watched. when i finished my meal, i started spooning out the ice and eating it.
81. i used to hide things in my diapers (including food)
    
82. one day, my mom asked me where my hot dog was, and i pulled it out of my diaper and took a bite from it.
83. i love everyone in my family very very much.
84. i check all of the links i have at least twice a day, sometimes more.
85. if it weren't for kelsie, i wouldn't know of half as many books as i do now.
86. most of the time, when she starts reading a book, i want to read it too.
87. i stole a few of my mom's romance books...they weren't that good, but i don't know what to do with them so they're still in my room
88. i like writing poems but i can't stand reading them.
89. i learned to square dance at school a few years ago, and still know all the words to once of the songs.
90. i feel really guilty about things that i've done years ago, and when i think about them, i still cringe.
91. i also feel guilty about making you read this long list,and copying it from jen.
92. i love the fact that jen is so happy with her adorably children, and tries to help in her own ways.
93. i no longer have a crush on the person i was crushing on, though i wouldn't object to going out with him (because i still think he's very hot).
94. the person i had a crush on is probably the last person anyone would see me with.
95. i watch dvds on fastforward with the subtitles so i can know what they're saying without watching it.
96. i love reading gone with the wind.
97. i know the entire munchkin scene from the wizard of oz.
98. i'm glad i'm the only girl in the family.
99. most of my work doesn't take me long (this only took me 30 minutes) and math problems are my favorite things to sit down and work on, write after crossword puzzles then wuzzles.
100. i miss everyone when i'm not around them for too long, and am dreading the trip to kentucky, because then i'll miss everybody i know except my grandmother.
     

contacting venus

i got contacts yesterday. it's good, now that they have the soft lenses for astigmatism. i tried the hard ones, and they made me want to pull a lewis black and shove a spoon up my backside. "because if i'm in that much pain, i want it to be because of something i did to myself!"

i can't wait for the sun to come out so i can go outside and wear my contacts with my sunglasses. yeshhhh.

joey finally passed his driver's test. my dad hugged him. i laughed for like, 10 minutes after that. my dad finally told me to shutup, so i went up to my room, but it wasn't funny in there. interesting...

you know what i realized? chuck woolery is the biggest cheeseball on tv. he's classic "come on down" guy. it creeps me out. chris looked at me weird when i said hat guys in tights freak me out. but they do. it's not natural, having to look at the outline of something that you shouldn't see. just, ew.

not much else going on. movie ideas, poetry, iming friends.......yep, that's about the extent of what's been happening between now and the last time i posted.

independence day

is probably my favorite holiday. i know i say everything is my favorite holiday, but i think i really love this one the most. just the combination of the georgia humidity and heat along with being right on the lake to watch fireworks. in peachtree city, they start off with simple fireworks, gradually working up, and for the grand finale they set off maybe 50 or 60 fireworks at the same time. i could see everybody and everything, even across the lake. when i looked up again, the colors made it look like a christmas present exploding, all the little colors of the paper fading away. i remember when i was younger, lying on the ground looking at the fireworks, so scared that the sparks would hit the ground and start a fire. i love thos fireworks.

i almost went to kirstie's, but that fell through. i'm glad that i didn't. i love her and all, but independence day is really the best time i have with my family. of course, nobody ate my desserts (even though i baked TWO), but that's because there was so much else to eat. good stuff, too. i almost didn't eat my dessert.

i met cousins i didn't know i had. apparently, i have like, 10 or so cousins (probably more) that i haven't met, because my biological grandad was a bit of a...well, let's say whore. but my dad hasn't met these people, and doesn't want us to. and then there's my mom, who was adopted, so she doesn't know if she has any biological sisters. i kept thinking about that. it's weird, i could have cousins and not even know about it. my mom could have brothers and sisters. hey, nathan could be my cousin! ha, finally figured that out.

oh, but i love it!~!

lazy days

oh, i'm so tired. i keep thinking about school and starting high school, but it scares/annoys me, so try not to. but still, it creeps up in my head, and won't leave sometimes. i was watching tomb raider earlier (angelina jolie is frikkin awesome and very beautiful) and the thought just popped into my head: i am perfectly content with staying home.

i rarely get bored, as i'm sure i've mentioned. i love watching movies over and over, like i've said. i rented a movie last night and i've already watched it three times. i realized this: i never really liked school that much. sure, i like to learn and i like to hang out with my friends, so you'd think that'd be a great combination. but it's not. i can teach myself and hang out with my friends without the constant "no talking" rules they instill. and the whole dutchtown thing. i mean, school's bad enough having to sit and listen to morons try to explain something you learned two years ago. but i had to be there without any solace whatsoever? and now, all the time my mom has to take off work for this crap...it's confusing. i don't want to hurt my mom, but i don't want to be in a place i hate with people i hate because they hate me. i know the mom thing should win, but it...ugh, i don't know.

i'm thinking of what people i don't know think. it's a weird thought, that everybody out there is thinking an entirely different thought than the person next to them.