did you know that if a person starts to drink at a young age, they stop growing emotionally? i did not know that until my group therapy session last week. it makes sense, because she's always acting so immature, but i never knew that. you learn something new everyday. such as...
simon and garfunkel are extrememly underrated. they are awesome. they heal, man. and so is johnny cash and lit. if you know not these bands, i will have to kill you, seriously. when yiou wake up and see me standing over you with a sharp object, remember which bands you do not know, and that will be your last thought before death.
now i'm wondering at what age can you start earning scholarships, because it looks like i will need them severely. if anyone knows, please tell me.
you know, i think it's gotten to the point where i either notice her more or less than usual. it's kind of disturbing. but "jump around" is on right now, so i can't think about that.
10.29.2004
10.27.2004
columbian wars
“The U.S. State Department itself has concluded that human rights in Colombia remains poor, that social activists, such as trade unionists, are being killed at an alarming rate, and that they are being killed mostly by paramilitary groups which, as the State Department also concludes, are receiving the active support and collaboration of the very military which the U.S. is funding at record levels.
A notorious example of such tactics, as elaborated in this same report, is the Army's rounding up and detention of 2,000 civilians, including “lost of Saravena's human rights community, as well as many known trade unionists and other social leaders,”; by the 18th Brigade during the traditional fiesta in 2002.
this happened two years ago, and it's just now being released to the public. do you see a problem here, because i do.
the return of the strep!
i am more than sure i have strep. my throat is all scratchy and junk. or the flu, because for some reason, my entire back side hurts, which i do not understand. but i am home from school (the only reason i went yesterday is because i did not want to miss the first meet of the season, and guess what? that was a good judgement of mine). and it kinda sucks that i'm missin school because i had a test and a papre due, and they'll say i *skipped* because i needed more time or something, which isn't true, because hello, it's little miss suckup here. of course, i didn't do any of my homework last night, but that is beside the point.
drugs are ruining this country. seriously. or at least, my school. see, it's red ribbon week. unfortunately. but anyway, yesterday these girls brought out this bag of dirt that looked like pot and threw it in the middle of the floor, where someone picked it up and ratted them out. let the record show that though i was near these girls, i had nothing to do with it. anyway, he told an administrator, and he made a big deal about it, and he's looking for who brought it. now i'm scared because he's a donkey and he coulod think it's real and i could get in trouble for sitting there. argh.
and i missed veronica mars last night, but only because i was watching scrubs, which is 100 times better and funnier.
drugs are ruining this country. seriously. or at least, my school. see, it's red ribbon week. unfortunately. but anyway, yesterday these girls brought out this bag of dirt that looked like pot and threw it in the middle of the floor, where someone picked it up and ratted them out. let the record show that though i was near these girls, i had nothing to do with it. anyway, he told an administrator, and he made a big deal about it, and he's looking for who brought it. now i'm scared because he's a donkey and he coulod think it's real and i could get in trouble for sitting there. argh.
and i missed veronica mars last night, but only because i was watching scrubs, which is 100 times better and funnier.
10.26.2004
the proof is in the pudding
alright. i just got back from the academic meet (first of the season). and yes indeed, we won two out of three. and that's right, who was captain? that'd be me. now, i know that is egotistical, but come on. *refers to title*. exactly. i got some wrong, who wouldn't, and i screwed it up for my comrades. but hey, i did good. we got 480 points, which is more than we got lost year in two meets, let alone one.
i is tired. gracie and lauren were over there trying to flirt with some guys from another school. i made a fool of myself. argh. for an egotistical jerk, i am pretty self mutilating. i know i am not that pretty (come on, i'm a little pretty) and i compare not at all to my friends, who are all beautiful. and i'm okay with that most of the time. just not tonight.
i'm tired, and i think i got strep. and i'm about to miss veronica mars. ACHK!
i is tired. gracie and lauren were over there trying to flirt with some guys from another school. i made a fool of myself. argh. for an egotistical jerk, i am pretty self mutilating. i know i am not that pretty (come on, i'm a little pretty) and i compare not at all to my friends, who are all beautiful. and i'm okay with that most of the time. just not tonight.
i'm tired, and i think i got strep. and i'm about to miss veronica mars. ACHK!
10.22.2004
morbid jokes
alright, let me start this off funny:
why did the puppy eat rat poison?
because he was blind.
why did the man get run over by a bus?
because he was in a wheelchair.
alright, i know those were horrible and in poor taste, but they are hilarious. no, they are hillary-arious. indeed. alright, so since whenever it was i posted, i have been accepted officially on the academic team ( i trounced 'em...sorry kels, but you know it's true...) hmm, let's see... i'm working on a paper about anne frank and genocide, and i'm listening to good music right now. one day, i will post what songs are my absolute favorite, but not right now, because i am tired and have more to right ( or so i think/thought).
i went to group therapy. the other girl was nice. can't tell you anymore, i was sworn to confidentiality. but her and i relate. same problems, so crap. except hers is much worse. anyway...
ahh, soon you will see links added on this blog, because kelsie has saved me yet again. unless, she has made the directions too complicated. i can be as booksmart as the next guy, but i will never understand html. so anything good on this site (other than my superb writing) you can attribute to kelsie.
and, by the way, kelsie is trying to raise money for juvenile diabetes research foundation. if you would like to make a donation (please do, she's got a sob story, and it's really good), please go to jdrf.com. i think that''ll work, but i'm not sure....
i'll give a real site later, but i can't find it right now. but i must leave you (i'll be posting tuesday or after). i would say farewell, but i hate you and hope you die, because either you worship the dalai lama or the cheesasaurus rex. either way, i hate you.
why did the puppy eat rat poison?
because he was blind.
why did the man get run over by a bus?
because he was in a wheelchair.
alright, i know those were horrible and in poor taste, but they are hilarious. no, they are hillary-arious. indeed. alright, so since whenever it was i posted, i have been accepted officially on the academic team ( i trounced 'em...sorry kels, but you know it's true...) hmm, let's see... i'm working on a paper about anne frank and genocide, and i'm listening to good music right now. one day, i will post what songs are my absolute favorite, but not right now, because i am tired and have more to right ( or so i think/thought).
i went to group therapy. the other girl was nice. can't tell you anymore, i was sworn to confidentiality. but her and i relate. same problems, so crap. except hers is much worse. anyway...
ahh, soon you will see links added on this blog, because kelsie has saved me yet again. unless, she has made the directions too complicated. i can be as booksmart as the next guy, but i will never understand html. so anything good on this site (other than my superb writing) you can attribute to kelsie.
and, by the way, kelsie is trying to raise money for juvenile diabetes research foundation. if you would like to make a donation (please do, she's got a sob story, and it's really good), please go to jdrf.com. i think that''ll work, but i'm not sure....
i'll give a real site later, but i can't find it right now. but i must leave you (i'll be posting tuesday or after). i would say farewell, but i hate you and hope you die, because either you worship the dalai lama or the cheesasaurus rex. either way, i hate you.
10.19.2004
politics
the people in my class are morons. one girl, after priding herself on having seen the debate, asked, "who's bush and kerry?" right.
alright, here's the deal. if i could vote, i would vote kerry. i would really like to vote nader, but because of the fact that that would be like throwing away a vote, i would not. if he was a 30/40% to win, i would definitely vote nader, for he is a true American hero. but i would vote kerry, because he is prochoice, he wouldn't make a law against gay marriages, the war in iraq could only get better in his hands, and gun laws would be more strict. and for all of you religious zealots who just stopped reading this because of the first two, think again. prochoice doesn't mean i support having abortions. i myself do not think that i would ever want to have one. but it gives a choice. it's not where you have no choice at all. it is a choice. understand that. and the gay marriage thing. it does not (at least in my opinion) degrade marriage. if anything, it makes it a stronger message. all of the reality shows that feature weddings that break apart within two weeks, that degrades marriage. but if a man and a man really love eachother, than they should be able to show their love. again, it's a choice. who wants their choices taken away. and the gun laws are obvious.
i mean, seriously. imagine a girl who is poorer than dirt who can't have an abortion, and the man who impregnated went to iraq and got killed. so she raises the baby, alone, with cockroaches on the floor, and one tiny meal a day. she gets angry, she lets off her steam on him. the little kid either grows up in a violent situation or goes to an orphanage and whatnot. either way, when the kids gets into high school, he feels unwanted and angry. since the gun restrictions are so lax, he picks one up at a CVS and takes it to school, and kills everyone in the building.
and this bull about how anything could be a weapon is ridiculous. someone said, "well, you could stab a person with a pencil, are they going to take those away too now?" yeah, but pencils are meant for writing. what uses do guns have? that's right. that'd be killing.
think before you act, people. think long and hard. because we could either end up in that situation, or we could end up in something much better.
alright, here's the deal. if i could vote, i would vote kerry. i would really like to vote nader, but because of the fact that that would be like throwing away a vote, i would not. if he was a 30/40% to win, i would definitely vote nader, for he is a true American hero. but i would vote kerry, because he is prochoice, he wouldn't make a law against gay marriages, the war in iraq could only get better in his hands, and gun laws would be more strict. and for all of you religious zealots who just stopped reading this because of the first two, think again. prochoice doesn't mean i support having abortions. i myself do not think that i would ever want to have one. but it gives a choice. it's not where you have no choice at all. it is a choice. understand that. and the gay marriage thing. it does not (at least in my opinion) degrade marriage. if anything, it makes it a stronger message. all of the reality shows that feature weddings that break apart within two weeks, that degrades marriage. but if a man and a man really love eachother, than they should be able to show their love. again, it's a choice. who wants their choices taken away. and the gun laws are obvious.
i mean, seriously. imagine a girl who is poorer than dirt who can't have an abortion, and the man who impregnated went to iraq and got killed. so she raises the baby, alone, with cockroaches on the floor, and one tiny meal a day. she gets angry, she lets off her steam on him. the little kid either grows up in a violent situation or goes to an orphanage and whatnot. either way, when the kids gets into high school, he feels unwanted and angry. since the gun restrictions are so lax, he picks one up at a CVS and takes it to school, and kills everyone in the building.
and this bull about how anything could be a weapon is ridiculous. someone said, "well, you could stab a person with a pencil, are they going to take those away too now?" yeah, but pencils are meant for writing. what uses do guns have? that's right. that'd be killing.
think before you act, people. think long and hard. because we could either end up in that situation, or we could end up in something much better.
10.16.2004
still not breathing
someone asked me today if i had the choice to see or to breathe, which would i choose. i thought about it, and said to breeathe. i could live without seeing. adjust to it. as a matter of fact, the ways my eyes are right now (and they're getting much worse every day), i might be blind in a few years. but it hurts not being able to breathe right. it just hurts.
i took a shower and almost scalded myself the water was so hot. it helped me breathe a little easier. then i got out and i was gasping for air. i hate it.
i spent the night with kelsie last night. fun. i sneezed and coughed a billion times and only got a few hours sleep, but i had fun. i wil confess this here to kelsie right now, the real reason i wanted to sleep over was to make sure you were okay with everything. you don't talk, and that's not healthy. and the line in your post struck a chord. so i came, i saw, i sneezed. a-burn.
kelsie's family is really cool. her sisters are funny, and so is her little brother. the only thing i don't get is the rules they have set up, ones that actually make sense, but i have never followed, like waiting until you are 13 to watch a pg13 movie. but hey, kelsie turned out alright, so i cannot question her parents motives.
i was practically bawling in shifflet's class yesterday. oh, but don't you worry, nobody noticed. i was crying into my jacket, thanks. gracie looked like she was about to say something, but didn't. sometimes i wonder how great it was for me to put up a fight to go back. i just can't stand it here. everybody in my house fights all of the time. mom's constantly "being bad" and thinking it's cute. and it's not like i don't know what they do downstairs in their room. "im going to have some quiet time" yeah, okay. don't forget the lysol bottle for the smell. i came home and i started to write. it's actually pretty decent, or so i think. i can't really get conversations down, but i can get tone right. of course, my dad would never go for me going to unc to study under sarah dessen, because he thinks "ihavemorepotentialthanthat" but i don't think so. i don't have to breathe to be a writer, dad.
i don't have to see or breathe to be a writer. i just have to think.
i took a shower and almost scalded myself the water was so hot. it helped me breathe a little easier. then i got out and i was gasping for air. i hate it.
i spent the night with kelsie last night. fun. i sneezed and coughed a billion times and only got a few hours sleep, but i had fun. i wil confess this here to kelsie right now, the real reason i wanted to sleep over was to make sure you were okay with everything. you don't talk, and that's not healthy. and the line in your post struck a chord. so i came, i saw, i sneezed. a-burn.
kelsie's family is really cool. her sisters are funny, and so is her little brother. the only thing i don't get is the rules they have set up, ones that actually make sense, but i have never followed, like waiting until you are 13 to watch a pg13 movie. but hey, kelsie turned out alright, so i cannot question her parents motives.
i was practically bawling in shifflet's class yesterday. oh, but don't you worry, nobody noticed. i was crying into my jacket, thanks. gracie looked like she was about to say something, but didn't. sometimes i wonder how great it was for me to put up a fight to go back. i just can't stand it here. everybody in my house fights all of the time. mom's constantly "being bad" and thinking it's cute. and it's not like i don't know what they do downstairs in their room. "im going to have some quiet time" yeah, okay. don't forget the lysol bottle for the smell. i came home and i started to write. it's actually pretty decent, or so i think. i can't really get conversations down, but i can get tone right. of course, my dad would never go for me going to unc to study under sarah dessen, because he thinks "ihavemorepotentialthanthat" but i don't think so. i don't have to breathe to be a writer, dad.
i don't have to see or breathe to be a writer. i just have to think.
10.12.2004
humor tumors
my head hurts. i think i may have a humor tumor. when mentioning this to my friend, gracias, she said that would be horrible. i dont think so there are the pros, such as, people will always have to be nice to me. i can stay up as late as i want because i will have to do nothing the next day unless i want to. i might get free dinners/ and or movie passes. then of course, death would be a big con. but movie passes are a good deal. i will look into the humor tumors...
i think my head might hurt because i was sniffing the glue in the art room. freaking papier mache projects, not giving me ample time to enjoy the smell of glue. and for those readers of my blog who are not in school, bite me. you had to go through it too, and now you have to go to work, so i dont wanna hear how much school sucks. i already know, thanks. and i'm sure you don't wanna hear about how much school sucks, because you've already been through it. but it's MY blog, and i don't care about demographics, thank you very much (-o mr. roboto).
i hope my brain pains go away soon, or i will go pull a lizzy borden and kill my parents, but there will be no substantial proof, so i will get away with it. but i won't pull an o.j. and get away with it because i've got money, no sirree. i'm poorer than farmers on green acres. except, since they're paid actors, they're probly richer than me.... but anyway, this just increases the size of my humor tumor...
and i think i'm going crazy, because i see something move and then it's not moving when i look directly at it... i must look into the signs of schizophrenia to see if i have this as well..
i think my head might hurt because i was sniffing the glue in the art room. freaking papier mache projects, not giving me ample time to enjoy the smell of glue. and for those readers of my blog who are not in school, bite me. you had to go through it too, and now you have to go to work, so i dont wanna hear how much school sucks. i already know, thanks. and i'm sure you don't wanna hear about how much school sucks, because you've already been through it. but it's MY blog, and i don't care about demographics, thank you very much (-o mr. roboto).
i hope my brain pains go away soon, or i will go pull a lizzy borden and kill my parents, but there will be no substantial proof, so i will get away with it. but i won't pull an o.j. and get away with it because i've got money, no sirree. i'm poorer than farmers on green acres. except, since they're paid actors, they're probly richer than me.... but anyway, this just increases the size of my humor tumor...
and i think i'm going crazy, because i see something move and then it's not moving when i look directly at it... i must look into the signs of schizophrenia to see if i have this as well..
10.10.2004
phone calls and obsessions
my mom has no time to watch tv shows during the middle of the week. so she records them, and tries to watch them on the weekend. the funny thing is, the phone rings every five seconds. it's kinda funny to sit in the gold room and hear her mumbling to herself when she has to pause the video and answer the phone. or when us *kids* stomp through the living room. it's funny. i laugh like chris when he was watching maid in manhattan, which is underrated.
today i looked around my room and realized how obsessed i can be. think about it: i have a healthy collection of bouncy balls, foil, spatulas, pillows, hair scrunchies, and rocks/marbles. and pictures, obviously. i love pictures....
it is great hanging out with kirstie sometimes. we get bored all of the time, because there is absolutely nothing to do until 10 minutes before she has to go. like, today, we made up a massive hopskotch game. i haven't played that game since i was 5. but we made a billion twists and turns up and down the street. it was awesome. my fastest time for the short one was 10 seconds, and the long one was 1 minute, 32 seconds, just in case you would like to know this...
i am waiting for desparate housewives to come on. i don't care that it's the most sexual show on right now. please, it's me. but i like the fact that the narrator killed herself. suicide is fascinating to me. it reminds me of the term barbed velvet. for them, i mean, it's gotta be. but anyway, let's move on from my obsessions, which includes my blog, i guess...
my friend, kelsie (www.kabys_blog.blogspot.com) is scaring me. she is saying it was her fault that her dad's bmw broke down because she thought it. i agree with her. now she knows the telepathic powers she possesses. be afraid. be very afraid...
today i looked around my room and realized how obsessed i can be. think about it: i have a healthy collection of bouncy balls, foil, spatulas, pillows, hair scrunchies, and rocks/marbles. and pictures, obviously. i love pictures....
it is great hanging out with kirstie sometimes. we get bored all of the time, because there is absolutely nothing to do until 10 minutes before she has to go. like, today, we made up a massive hopskotch game. i haven't played that game since i was 5. but we made a billion twists and turns up and down the street. it was awesome. my fastest time for the short one was 10 seconds, and the long one was 1 minute, 32 seconds, just in case you would like to know this...
i am waiting for desparate housewives to come on. i don't care that it's the most sexual show on right now. please, it's me. but i like the fact that the narrator killed herself. suicide is fascinating to me. it reminds me of the term barbed velvet. for them, i mean, it's gotta be. but anyway, let's move on from my obsessions, which includes my blog, i guess...
my friend, kelsie (www.kabys_blog.blogspot.com) is scaring me. she is saying it was her fault that her dad's bmw broke down because she thought it. i agree with her. now she knows the telepathic powers she possesses. be afraid. be very afraid...
10.09.2004
i hate people, and their dalai lama worshipping ways, when everyone knows that richard nixon is the greatest spiritual leader of all time. he is not a crook, he is ugly as ugly can be, and his middle name is millhouse. what better spiritual leader could there be, honestly?
kelsie sent me a link to the funniest blog i have ever read. www.jermunns.blogspot.com
now i will go and complete the best salesmen costume EVER. yersh
kelsie sent me a link to the funniest blog i have ever read. www.jermunns.blogspot.com
now i will go and complete the best salesmen costume EVER. yersh
10.08.2004
well...
i'm even more frzzled today then i was yesterday. but that is because today, i have started my first day of school in stockbridge middle.
I got the letter yesterday, right after y 1st post, and then i put the other post because i was too excited to speak... or write. but anyway, back to my first day.
i thought it would be more fun, i'll be honest with you. last year was a blast. i should've expected it, i guess. it was all downhill from mrs oliver anyway... but i have to do make up work this weekend, because i was so behind from dutchtown. stupid dutchtown. i am probly gonna go to bed at like, 9:00 tonight. scratch that, i'm going to sleep as soon as i get offline.
and i am on the academic team. it was actually kinda stupid to worry about it. ms seagraves was like, "of course you're on. but maybe not if you're gonna be so stupid." and she said i'm most likely gonna be captain. YERSH!
but my mom is gonna have to miss a lot of work picking me up from school. i feel soooo guilty about that. i am hoping *cough cough* that my friends might be able to let me stay with them sometimes after school. because that would be cool.
stupid cd is skipping. i gotta go fix that....
I got the letter yesterday, right after y 1st post, and then i put the other post because i was too excited to speak... or write. but anyway, back to my first day.
i thought it would be more fun, i'll be honest with you. last year was a blast. i should've expected it, i guess. it was all downhill from mrs oliver anyway... but i have to do make up work this weekend, because i was so behind from dutchtown. stupid dutchtown. i am probly gonna go to bed at like, 9:00 tonight. scratch that, i'm going to sleep as soon as i get offline.
and i am on the academic team. it was actually kinda stupid to worry about it. ms seagraves was like, "of course you're on. but maybe not if you're gonna be so stupid." and she said i'm most likely gonna be captain. YERSH!
but my mom is gonna have to miss a lot of work picking me up from school. i feel soooo guilty about that. i am hoping *cough cough* that my friends might be able to let me stay with them sometimes after school. because that would be cool.
stupid cd is skipping. i gotta go fix that....
10.07.2004
nerves
my nerves are shot. my eyes are red. i want to sleep all of the time for some reason. it's insane. and then just when i'm about to go to bed, i find something that i need to do, and i can't go to sleep. i hate it. and i'm nervous, because i might not go back to stockbridge, but if i do i might not be able to be on the academic team, the one thing i really like.
i am serious. that's the only thing i look forward to, even at dutchtown. i like beating other people in the way that i know how. answering questions is my life. i was half temptem to throw away my nomination for student body president today. but i thought better of it and turned it in. i want to go to college, i wanna be somebody. i wanna study under sarah dessen at the university of north carolina. she is the most amazing writer, and can turn something as sad and depressing as abuse into a lessen learned with quirks along the way. i really am thinking of going there. of course, i am not exactly sure what i want to be when i grow up, but whatever. i think i need to be president to get into college. i don't care about the student body. i'm praying that another person wins, because they probably want it more or for the same reasons.
i am tired. i am frazzled. dutchtown is wearing me down to a nub. but don't worry. i've still got the hope of a letter back. that's all i need. that's all i want.
i am serious. that's the only thing i look forward to, even at dutchtown. i like beating other people in the way that i know how. answering questions is my life. i was half temptem to throw away my nomination for student body president today. but i thought better of it and turned it in. i want to go to college, i wanna be somebody. i wanna study under sarah dessen at the university of north carolina. she is the most amazing writer, and can turn something as sad and depressing as abuse into a lessen learned with quirks along the way. i really am thinking of going there. of course, i am not exactly sure what i want to be when i grow up, but whatever. i think i need to be president to get into college. i don't care about the student body. i'm praying that another person wins, because they probably want it more or for the same reasons.
i am tired. i am frazzled. dutchtown is wearing me down to a nub. but don't worry. i've still got the hope of a letter back. that's all i need. that's all i want.
10.01.2004
breathe
it's hard for me to breathe sometimes. when i cant breather, i hyperventalate, which only makes it worse. when i had to give my speech so people would vote for me for student government, i could barely get it out, i couldn't breathe at all. i will probably end up an old person with emphysyma (i dont think that's how it's spelled...). i will never smoke, will never be able to anyway, even if i wanted to. but if i keep living in a house with 3 packs a day, then i might end up with half of my breaths stolen right from me.
it's amazing how we idolize our parents when we're young. maybe even when we're in our teen years or early twenties (i can't know this, but i don't wanna offend anybody.) but then you realize something about your parents that must have always been there, it's just you're starting to notice it now. my dad cares nothing about other people. if you don't say yes sir, he will go upside your head. if you want to go home, he'll take the extra hour route just because you said that. my dad is the biggest jerk you have ever seen. and i'm seriously debating on some major things right now. and i want to talk this out with someone, but i'm embarrassed to do this with any of my friends. there parents are so nice. i don't think they'd understand anything. so i sit here, keeping it all locked up.
that's part of the reason i'm getting the letter to go back to stockbridge. they say that these problems are just arising because of my new environment. but i've never been able to talk about things with other people out loud. too much breath would be wasted, in my opinion, because they wouldn't get it.
i will tell you this. one day you will come onto this blog and see all of my secrets. every last one of them. and you will be so shocked. completely and utterly shocked. but i can't breathe it out right now. i'm choking for air.
it's amazing how we idolize our parents when we're young. maybe even when we're in our teen years or early twenties (i can't know this, but i don't wanna offend anybody.) but then you realize something about your parents that must have always been there, it's just you're starting to notice it now. my dad cares nothing about other people. if you don't say yes sir, he will go upside your head. if you want to go home, he'll take the extra hour route just because you said that. my dad is the biggest jerk you have ever seen. and i'm seriously debating on some major things right now. and i want to talk this out with someone, but i'm embarrassed to do this with any of my friends. there parents are so nice. i don't think they'd understand anything. so i sit here, keeping it all locked up.
that's part of the reason i'm getting the letter to go back to stockbridge. they say that these problems are just arising because of my new environment. but i've never been able to talk about things with other people out loud. too much breath would be wasted, in my opinion, because they wouldn't get it.
i will tell you this. one day you will come onto this blog and see all of my secrets. every last one of them. and you will be so shocked. completely and utterly shocked. but i can't breathe it out right now. i'm choking for air.
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