11.22.2004

the roof of my mouth was blistered. it felt really weird. and now that i accidentally popped it (and my mouth tastes funny, by the way), i can't stop running my tongue over the sore spot. owie. i will never eat burning hot food followed by a delicious freezing cold popsicle again.

in other news, there is a mold-like disease taking over my computer. my house has never been all too sanitary, to be honest, but mold on the keyboard is gross. yet strangely amusing. i can't type without laughing. it could be because the moldy fuzz is tickling my fingers so i giggle like a little school girl who's faced with seven years of martha stewart time, because she knows that martha will never wrong her. good old martha. except for when she makes jam in prison. that's a no-no. when i heard about that, i cried. you are denying this woman the right to make her precious JAM? you MONSTERS!! HOW COULD YOU??? hmm, if only i felt that strongly about other aspects of my life. like cleaning the mold off of the keyboard.

and, honestly, there is no fuzz on my keyboard. but when it does get here, then i will welcome it, because i can really imagine my fingers being tickled. yes, tickled fingers is all that matters in a world full of people who will shoot you as soon as chase a spotted leopard.

oh, saw this interesting thing on discovery channel that i felt i needed to share. did you know that a hippapotamous' penis is curved backwards so he can urinate through his hind legs? and when he "defacates", or feciating, as i like to say, his tail swirls around and spreads the "feces", marking his territory. and when these fierce animals fight, they open their jaws as big as they can, and bite eachother's rearends. i thought it was fascinating. i now want to become a hippapotamous, and not just because the guy said that the females often get trampled upon in the water. no, no, it's deeper than that. i think that i essentially AM a hippapotamous. truly, i do. and *tear* if *sniffle* i were to become a member of this prestigious species, i too would spread my feces around with my tail. i too would enjoy urinating through my hind legs. and i too would get to open my jaws to the size of kingdom come. just remember this, dear friends. this is what i want for christmas, and if you can't make it happen, then you never really were a friend, WERE YOU?!?!?!?

2 comments:

C.K. said...

funny.

except the blister part. ow. i had a blister on my mouth once. not on the roof of my mouth, mind you.
it was like the 1st week of school, and the blister was formed because i bit it when i was chewing gum, and it got swollen, and then i bit it again, and it was a whole nasty situation with a lot of oragel involved.
so, i feel for you.

and the hippo story grossed me out. so, please, don't ever EVER sing "i want a hippopotamous for christmas" EVER in my hearing range!

hillary said...

owie! i feel your pain.

and i can just imagine the song. all i want for christmas is my hippopatomous...