alright chynna, it may be a while before you read this, and i understand why you're mad at me. more than understand it. but you certainly can't say what i said wasn't justified, can you?
every single time i tell you something in confidence, you hold it over my head that you're going to tell someone else. when i told you the one thing i said about peter, that was all i could hear about for nearly two months. and sometimes you go out of your way to lie or do something to make the rest of us wonder, "why is she so mad at me?" just to get attention. and you admit to it, so don't even say you don't, and don't act all offended either. so i don't trust you with as many personal aspects of my life as i do gracie and kelsie, but that's because they don't pull that crap. ever. you see where i'm going with that?
but i am sorry that i hurt your feelings. i really am. you have no idea how guilty i feel over hurting one of my friend's feelings. maybe after i tell you and kelsie what i have been trying to tell you for forever, then you'll understand better. i'm also sorry that when i sent you an apology letter, you immediately threw it away. do you even care what i did then chynna? i bet you don't. well here's what i did. i blinked repeatedly to keep away the tears. so thanks, chynna. thanks a whole lot.
and kelsie, don't you even want to try to get me?
why am i doing this to myself? i am so worried that i'm hurting my friends that i ignore the fact that i'm crying. i ignore the things that I can do to console myself, since obviously when i put my real thoughts out there, everybody rejects them.
and what the hell is up with that anyway? what the hell do you know about me that can make you ticked off even when i apologize? who the hell do you think you are, any of you, who judge me? i'll tell you who you aren't. a true friend. so if you don't wanna forgive me, even after i tell you what i was going to tell you, then forget you. i would say something more, but kelsie's mom would probly somehow manage to read it.
but thanks for making me feel bad and angry with myself once again. truly are great friends, seriously.
3 comments:
I'm not sure what your'e talking about and it's really none of my business but I understand what you're saying. It took me a long time to realize who I can and cannot trust. Go with your gut and just know who is really trustworthy and who you can rely on.
I hope things get better for you soon. Therapy is a great thing if you have the right therapist. My husbands little sister had to go through a few duds before finding one that was right for her.
thank you. thank you so much.
What do you mean I don't try to get you? I do, and if you really think I don't, please tell me. Tell me if I'm being a bad friend. I don't want to be, but how will I know until someone tells me?
And I really, truly hope things get better for you, Hillary. I sincerly do.
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