scissors and the people who use them

there are many types of scissors. some break, some have orange handles, some black. some are the little kiddy kind that you cannot cut with if you had a piece of tissue paper (trying to cut it, i mean). some have funky little shapes in them. but you know what none of them have???

mica. that's right. unless you special order a pair of scissors that has mica in it. that's because mica is the bane of existence (except for the dalai lama. he thrives on it). you can't cuddle with mica. you can't watch tv with your mica and laugh at how ridiculous the fonz is. you can't listen to music with your mica, because it just sits there and makes you feel like a fool for doing the cabbage patch, when you were just trying to be like the cool kids. you can't even talk to mica, because you don't know if it has a secret recording device in it that is linked to a special system that will allow your conversation to be heard worldwide. you can't listen to mica because soon after you put your ear up to it, you hear a strange buzzing sound. after the buzzing sound, you realize that the mica is trying to rob you of your hearing, so you must throw the mica away.

except of course, even if you throw the mica away, it will still explode, and ruin your garbage can. then you will try and throw it in the streets, and it will break into a million pieces and get caught in everybody's eye. and you will cause the whole nation to be blind, all because of mica.

grr.

you know, a hunk of plastic is possible more lethal than a knife sometimes. just a thought.

*the above mentioning of mica may or may not be true. any similarities to real life incidents are purely coincidental. except for the fact that it is what is keeping the dalai lama alive. that part is true.