i really am. i know it feels wrong for me to be in a good mood right now, but i can't help it. it's just so many things that make me feel alright right now.
yesterday my dad asked kelsie's mom to pick me up, and about an hour after we got to her house, we decided to go the the fitness funfest at school. of course, my neck is severely hurting today from the bungee run, but it was fun.jw and sammy were there, and they made me laugh.
today i skipped out of school, because darned if i don't want to sit in a classroom with a bunch of burnouts who didn't show up for standardized testing while everyone else had sundaes. so i stayed home, and woke up at 7:30 (which is an improvement, really). i swept the floors like my mom asked me to, took a shower, watched In America and a little bit of Anchorman, and then realized that i wanted to clean. i asked myself, "what's the dirstiest room in this house?" so when i went to chance's room, i brought a queen cd and some pink floyd and listened to each as loud as i wanted to while cleaning his breeding ground for germs. i kid tyou not, i saw three cockroaches in that room. and my hands were all sticky for the food and drinks he keeps down there. then i sat and read my v.c. andrews book while flipping through channels, watched some I Love the 80s (at least it wasn't Best Week Ever).
and later tonight, we're eating pizza. it feels so good to just not be at school with people crying and talking about tory. it's nice to take a break into my own little world, with my loud music and obsessive cleaning (i haven't even told you about organizing my cds by genre the other day...)
see, i appreciate these years of my life, because i know i probably won't get much of a chance to do this when i'm older. i remember one time, we were at my grandmother's house with my aunt, and my mom was so proud that she had finished all of the laundry. my grandma and aunt just applauded her and congratulated her. i don't want that. i don't need that to be the only good thing in my life.
and i won't have it. but i will have my mom's pink floyd cd. oh yes. it will be mine...
4.29.2005
4.25.2005
why?
when the two girls came in sobbing, i thought there had been a fight. then more came in. we decided to leave. jessica got stopped by someone and hugged them because they were crying. as i was walking away, i heard her say, "he's dead?"
mr. head askede me to get the kleenex from his desk. there were only a few. i remember thinking that that wasn't going to hold up. i didn't even know him, and i knew his name. everyone was sobbing by the time i left.
the sick thing is, to some, it's about the person. but to others, it's about gossip. it's the newest piece of information that the school can share. it spread like wildfire. everyone knew that the guy we all knew for at least three years was dead.
when?
how?
why?
why?
it's wrong. he was my age. my mom was going to give me money to donate to his parents when we heard he was in the hospital. the doctors said he was getting better.
mr head took on the role of important counselor. comforting everybody. ms. davis kept the library guarded. even teachers were crying.
i guess it doesnt matte that we didn't go to state. all that matters is that when we went to pick up chance, i saw a mom walking her son to the car, and i thought, "i bet his mother did that for him." and i cried. it's just so sad. everything nowadays is just so, so sad.
mr. head askede me to get the kleenex from his desk. there were only a few. i remember thinking that that wasn't going to hold up. i didn't even know him, and i knew his name. everyone was sobbing by the time i left.
the sick thing is, to some, it's about the person. but to others, it's about gossip. it's the newest piece of information that the school can share. it spread like wildfire. everyone knew that the guy we all knew for at least three years was dead.
when?
how?
why?
why?
it's wrong. he was my age. my mom was going to give me money to donate to his parents when we heard he was in the hospital. the doctors said he was getting better.
mr head took on the role of important counselor. comforting everybody. ms. davis kept the library guarded. even teachers were crying.
i guess it doesnt matte that we didn't go to state. all that matters is that when we went to pick up chance, i saw a mom walking her son to the car, and i thought, "i bet his mother did that for him." and i cried. it's just so sad. everything nowadays is just so, so sad.
4.22.2005
tizzle
this week has been hectic. and exhausting. i feel like i could sleep for days. but every morning, i wake up at 6:00, no matter what time i go to sleep. even if i stay up until 2:00, my body won't let me sleep in. it's so annoying.
ah, but it's been nothing but standardized testing this week at school. i don't mind it, it's just that it's so boring. and really, who cares? just because GA's ranked number 50 in education, doesn't mean anything. it just means we care more about our flag being racist, that's all. oh, and don't forget the atlanta falcons. cause they have a shot at winning, they sure do...
tuesday night, i big thing happened. divorce was mentioned. i spent all of wednesday trying not to cry. now i just don't think about it anymore. is that bad? i hope not.
and today was state media festival friday. and it was a good day. i laughed and had fun with my friends. i actually had a better time at school than i've had in a while.
now, if you'll excuse me, i'm tired. i think i might just go to sleep. or watch a movie. something that doesn't require my brain. i'll post when i found out the media festival results. adios.
ah, but it's been nothing but standardized testing this week at school. i don't mind it, it's just that it's so boring. and really, who cares? just because GA's ranked number 50 in education, doesn't mean anything. it just means we care more about our flag being racist, that's all. oh, and don't forget the atlanta falcons. cause they have a shot at winning, they sure do...
tuesday night, i big thing happened. divorce was mentioned. i spent all of wednesday trying not to cry. now i just don't think about it anymore. is that bad? i hope not.
and today was state media festival friday. and it was a good day. i laughed and had fun with my friends. i actually had a better time at school than i've had in a while.
now, if you'll excuse me, i'm tired. i think i might just go to sleep. or watch a movie. something that doesn't require my brain. i'll post when i found out the media festival results. adios.
4.18.2005
scissors and the people who use them
there are many types of scissors. some break, some have orange handles, some black. some are the little kiddy kind that you cannot cut with if you had a piece of tissue paper (trying to cut it, i mean). some have funky little shapes in them. but you know what none of them have???
mica. that's right. unless you special order a pair of scissors that has mica in it. that's because mica is the bane of existence (except for the dalai lama. he thrives on it). you can't cuddle with mica. you can't watch tv with your mica and laugh at how ridiculous the fonz is. you can't listen to music with your mica, because it just sits there and makes you feel like a fool for doing the cabbage patch, when you were just trying to be like the cool kids. you can't even talk to mica, because you don't know if it has a secret recording device in it that is linked to a special system that will allow your conversation to be heard worldwide. you can't listen to mica because soon after you put your ear up to it, you hear a strange buzzing sound. after the buzzing sound, you realize that the mica is trying to rob you of your hearing, so you must throw the mica away.
except of course, even if you throw the mica away, it will still explode, and ruin your garbage can. then you will try and throw it in the streets, and it will break into a million pieces and get caught in everybody's eye. and you will cause the whole nation to be blind, all because of mica.
grr.
you know, a hunk of plastic is possible more lethal than a knife sometimes. just a thought.
*the above mentioning of mica may or may not be true. any similarities to real life incidents are purely coincidental. except for the fact that it is what is keeping the dalai lama alive. that part is true.
mica. that's right. unless you special order a pair of scissors that has mica in it. that's because mica is the bane of existence (except for the dalai lama. he thrives on it). you can't cuddle with mica. you can't watch tv with your mica and laugh at how ridiculous the fonz is. you can't listen to music with your mica, because it just sits there and makes you feel like a fool for doing the cabbage patch, when you were just trying to be like the cool kids. you can't even talk to mica, because you don't know if it has a secret recording device in it that is linked to a special system that will allow your conversation to be heard worldwide. you can't listen to mica because soon after you put your ear up to it, you hear a strange buzzing sound. after the buzzing sound, you realize that the mica is trying to rob you of your hearing, so you must throw the mica away.
except of course, even if you throw the mica away, it will still explode, and ruin your garbage can. then you will try and throw it in the streets, and it will break into a million pieces and get caught in everybody's eye. and you will cause the whole nation to be blind, all because of mica.
grr.
you know, a hunk of plastic is possible more lethal than a knife sometimes. just a thought.
*the above mentioning of mica may or may not be true. any similarities to real life incidents are purely coincidental. except for the fact that it is what is keeping the dalai lama alive. that part is true.
4.17.2005
my paradisian weekend (i think i made that word up, but i'm not entirely sure)
anyway. i was just about to get in the shower, when i realized that i haven't gotten online since thursday night. i think. whatever.
my weekend was almost entirely pure bliss. it started friday night when joey and his friends felt they could actually hang out with me for once. that was fun. then, they moved the trampoline to the front of the yard. this was the best part. when it started to turn dark, i went out there with a blanket, a frank sinatra cd, and binoculars, laid out on the trampoline, and looked at the moon. living as close to the city as we do, i couldn't see the stars at first. i waited until i saw some. first i saw one, right next to the moon. then, it seemed like more and more just popped up when i wasn't looking. i drifted in and out of sleep on the trampoline, until i woke up and saw a billion stars. then i went inside to go to bed, and slept peacefully until morning.
the rest of the weekend until now has just been me reading or playing video games or watching snippets of movies while reading. i listened to all three of the simon and garfunkel cds in this house, and some zepplin. i feel that at this point in my life, i can catch up on music. i've been listening to classic rock lately. and kind of experimenting with the radio, playing some christian rock, spanish music, and even a little am. it was all very fun.
the only thing that stopped it from being blissful was something i can't put here. i will discuss it with some people, but not here. not for the whole entire world to see.
i think i'll be taking a break from listening to music. it's all just kind of grating on me now. like if you listen to the same sound over and over again, you just can't stand it anymore.
anyway, i hope your weekend was as good as mine, if not more so.
my weekend was almost entirely pure bliss. it started friday night when joey and his friends felt they could actually hang out with me for once. that was fun. then, they moved the trampoline to the front of the yard. this was the best part. when it started to turn dark, i went out there with a blanket, a frank sinatra cd, and binoculars, laid out on the trampoline, and looked at the moon. living as close to the city as we do, i couldn't see the stars at first. i waited until i saw some. first i saw one, right next to the moon. then, it seemed like more and more just popped up when i wasn't looking. i drifted in and out of sleep on the trampoline, until i woke up and saw a billion stars. then i went inside to go to bed, and slept peacefully until morning.
the rest of the weekend until now has just been me reading or playing video games or watching snippets of movies while reading. i listened to all three of the simon and garfunkel cds in this house, and some zepplin. i feel that at this point in my life, i can catch up on music. i've been listening to classic rock lately. and kind of experimenting with the radio, playing some christian rock, spanish music, and even a little am. it was all very fun.
the only thing that stopped it from being blissful was something i can't put here. i will discuss it with some people, but not here. not for the whole entire world to see.
i think i'll be taking a break from listening to music. it's all just kind of grating on me now. like if you listen to the same sound over and over again, you just can't stand it anymore.
anyway, i hope your weekend was as good as mine, if not more so.
4.13.2005
joey
i love my brother, i really do. he is my older brother after all, only a year and a half older than me. today, joey came home with his first car. it cost $250. which is why i was not surprised when the first thing i saw when i went outside was smoke. the car was smoking. it still hasn't stopped, and he came home over an hour ago!
it is a '71 dart. that's right. almost 35 years old. and green. not like deep forest, let's go frolick through the woods and think of pine needles (not to be confused with heroin needles), but puke green. that's right. this green is so ugly, it makes you want to puke. (or something like that....right.) and it's got weights in the back from its previous owner. and a firstaid kit, china, the biggest wooden stopper ever, and the original jack. i swear, i dont know how they changed tires in the 70s. i mean, i know they must have been used to it, but they were all so hyped up on crack and whatnot, its a wonder how they accomplished anything. there were two equally lame bumper stickers on it, which joey swears he will take off as soon as he can.
oh, joey's car is sooo cute. i just love it. even the color, i can get used to. i dont know why i like ugly green, but i just do. and it's got these cute little dents from where it was in an accident (which i am going to love pointing out to joey). and he's so proud, since he bought it himself.
that's our joey....
it is a '71 dart. that's right. almost 35 years old. and green. not like deep forest, let's go frolick through the woods and think of pine needles (not to be confused with heroin needles), but puke green. that's right. this green is so ugly, it makes you want to puke. (or something like that....right.) and it's got weights in the back from its previous owner. and a firstaid kit, china, the biggest wooden stopper ever, and the original jack. i swear, i dont know how they changed tires in the 70s. i mean, i know they must have been used to it, but they were all so hyped up on crack and whatnot, its a wonder how they accomplished anything. there were two equally lame bumper stickers on it, which joey swears he will take off as soon as he can.
oh, joey's car is sooo cute. i just love it. even the color, i can get used to. i dont know why i like ugly green, but i just do. and it's got these cute little dents from where it was in an accident (which i am going to love pointing out to joey). and he's so proud, since he bought it himself.
that's our joey....
4.12.2005
arckenbaster!
ahhhhhh!!!!! today has been semi hectic/weird/happy
my teacher liked my sestina. i got bad news concerning a certain school. and through the midst of all of this, i am listening to simon and garfunkel's sound of silence over and over trying to get to know all the words, because only after i know all of the words do i stop hearing it in my head.
see, music is always there. i have like a soundtrack for my life all in my head. sometimes, like today, i have quite a few songs chasing eachother in my head, playing at the same time. sometimes, i just hear a word, and i think of a song. is that bad?
i dont know. but i do know this: state media festival is a little more than a week away! i hope we do well. if we made it past that, it would be a miracle. but if we dont, at least we know that we got a level higher than we did last year, and made a whole lot more people laugh. twas great. yes yes, i love my life.
my teacher liked my sestina. i got bad news concerning a certain school. and through the midst of all of this, i am listening to simon and garfunkel's sound of silence over and over trying to get to know all the words, because only after i know all of the words do i stop hearing it in my head.
see, music is always there. i have like a soundtrack for my life all in my head. sometimes, like today, i have quite a few songs chasing eachother in my head, playing at the same time. sometimes, i just hear a word, and i think of a song. is that bad?
i dont know. but i do know this: state media festival is a little more than a week away! i hope we do well. if we made it past that, it would be a miracle. but if we dont, at least we know that we got a level higher than we did last year, and made a whole lot more people laugh. twas great. yes yes, i love my life.
4.10.2005
parents
the only paragraph here not pertaining to the aforementioned subject will be this: yesterday i hung out at gracie's while we watched the dane cook dvd (and were disappointed when he repeated his material, but it's understandable). i laughed a lot, and it was fun. either way, to the subject....
i love my parents. but looking back, i know they weren't the best. i remember going to the drive thru liquor store and then the next morning hearing my mom throw up. i didnt know they were connected then. i even remember the lady at the store's name and the fact that she had abnormally long fingernails that scared the daylights out of me. now that i'm older, i've learned to process moods from her. if she wakes up and comes upstairs without her glasses, its going to be a bad day. if you wake her up, it'll be worse. if she snaps at you, it would be a good day if you didn't get mad at her for the asinine thing that she judged. when she comes upstairs and reads her book, it'll be an okay day, and you'll feel sorry for her when she wants to clean the perpetually unclean house and try to help. but she won't let you, and you ticked her off, and you have to worry about her nerves....
my dad. i love him too. he seems to be attracted to the wrong type of woman, but that's beside the point. i remember his temper. he keeps it in check mostly. i remember one time chris not wanting to take in the groceries, and him throwing a clay vase at his head, and we weren't allowed to clean it up. we had to walk back and forth carrying groceries inside trying not to step on it. but my dad is smart. he's funny. he's a know it all, and is constantly getting on everybody's nerves trying to prove he does, in fact, know it all.
i know people have it worse than me. but i also know that some have better. i hate that i have to constantly walk on my toes to keep from getting on their nerves. that's why i like jennifer's blog so much. she's like the perfect mother. my parents have their strong point, like the fact that they both can't stand maroon 5 or newlyweds. but i often think that they are the type of people who shouldn't have had children. between one child that hates them, one that avoids them, one that blames everything on them, and one that's not quite sure what to make of them, i might be right on that. which is pretty depressing, because it makes me think that i should never have been born. and im not sure what to make of that.
sorry about the long posts lately. a lot's been going on, apparently. i will try to keep you posted, but if i dont, good luck, and godspeed.
i love my parents. but looking back, i know they weren't the best. i remember going to the drive thru liquor store and then the next morning hearing my mom throw up. i didnt know they were connected then. i even remember the lady at the store's name and the fact that she had abnormally long fingernails that scared the daylights out of me. now that i'm older, i've learned to process moods from her. if she wakes up and comes upstairs without her glasses, its going to be a bad day. if you wake her up, it'll be worse. if she snaps at you, it would be a good day if you didn't get mad at her for the asinine thing that she judged. when she comes upstairs and reads her book, it'll be an okay day, and you'll feel sorry for her when she wants to clean the perpetually unclean house and try to help. but she won't let you, and you ticked her off, and you have to worry about her nerves....
my dad. i love him too. he seems to be attracted to the wrong type of woman, but that's beside the point. i remember his temper. he keeps it in check mostly. i remember one time chris not wanting to take in the groceries, and him throwing a clay vase at his head, and we weren't allowed to clean it up. we had to walk back and forth carrying groceries inside trying not to step on it. but my dad is smart. he's funny. he's a know it all, and is constantly getting on everybody's nerves trying to prove he does, in fact, know it all.
i know people have it worse than me. but i also know that some have better. i hate that i have to constantly walk on my toes to keep from getting on their nerves. that's why i like jennifer's blog so much. she's like the perfect mother. my parents have their strong point, like the fact that they both can't stand maroon 5 or newlyweds. but i often think that they are the type of people who shouldn't have had children. between one child that hates them, one that avoids them, one that blames everything on them, and one that's not quite sure what to make of them, i might be right on that. which is pretty depressing, because it makes me think that i should never have been born. and im not sure what to make of that.
sorry about the long posts lately. a lot's been going on, apparently. i will try to keep you posted, but if i dont, good luck, and godspeed.
4.08.2005
it's already APRIL!!!
i cant believe this is my first post in april, 8 days late! let's recount the month so far, shall we?
APRIL FOOL'S!: great day involving stupid practical jokes and covering people's eyes, telling them that they were blind, then being stupid and saying april fools (or, my personal favorite, when i was behind the bleachers about to get kelsie and she knew i was there so i threw my pen at her and ran.)
April 2, my dad's birthday: he worked.
April 3: went to grambee's to celebrate dad's birthday. had DELICIOUS steak. papa dan is a GOD with meat...
April 4: since spent the night at grambee's, spent day driving golf cart (which i did expertly) and went to Ted's to eat. for those of you who have not yet tasted the wondrous meat that we call bison, you should. it is the best and most tender stuff ever.
April 5: went to dollar theater with grambee to see series of unfortunate events, and guess who i saw! that's right, Kelsie d. and family came waltzing past me, and i was so excited, i just yelled out her name and we sat next to eachother in the movie and it was FANTASMIC. oh yes. oh yes. (oh yes, and we ate at the atlanta bread company before i went home...best turkey club in the world, i kid you not)
April 6: went home. kirstie came over and we played some games then cooked dinner (it was either that or yard work.) the bacon kept popping me and kirstie made the pancakes and it was wonderful.
April 7: kirstie spent most of the day with us...BOWLING. started off the day with enormous omelette sandwich, which was so tasty and delectable......then went to bowling alley, where i got one strike (and sadly, that was the high point) and made my arm hurt....then went to Monterrey's and had yummy salsa and chips along with a weird taco that i didnt order but ate anyway because it looked good....
AND FINALLY: today. today i sat around, did homework, read some of wuthering heights, played video games with chance, and cleaned up the house a little bit.
oh, what joy. i realize that i might not have made entirely good sense in this post, but that's not my fault. im just so happy that my spring break was a blast for once, instead of just a week of sitting around being bored. sure, the only time i talked to kelsie was tuesday, and i havent talked to gracie all week, but i'll see them soon anyway. ahhhhhh, im so happy, i could.....um, not fly, or burst, but definitely not worry about anything bad, thats for sure.
APRIL FOOL'S!: great day involving stupid practical jokes and covering people's eyes, telling them that they were blind, then being stupid and saying april fools (or, my personal favorite, when i was behind the bleachers about to get kelsie and she knew i was there so i threw my pen at her and ran.)
April 2, my dad's birthday: he worked.
April 3: went to grambee's to celebrate dad's birthday. had DELICIOUS steak. papa dan is a GOD with meat...
April 4: since spent the night at grambee's, spent day driving golf cart (which i did expertly) and went to Ted's to eat. for those of you who have not yet tasted the wondrous meat that we call bison, you should. it is the best and most tender stuff ever.
April 5: went to dollar theater with grambee to see series of unfortunate events, and guess who i saw! that's right, Kelsie d. and family came waltzing past me, and i was so excited, i just yelled out her name and we sat next to eachother in the movie and it was FANTASMIC. oh yes. oh yes. (oh yes, and we ate at the atlanta bread company before i went home...best turkey club in the world, i kid you not)
April 6: went home. kirstie came over and we played some games then cooked dinner (it was either that or yard work.) the bacon kept popping me and kirstie made the pancakes and it was wonderful.
April 7: kirstie spent most of the day with us...BOWLING. started off the day with enormous omelette sandwich, which was so tasty and delectable......then went to bowling alley, where i got one strike (and sadly, that was the high point) and made my arm hurt....then went to Monterrey's and had yummy salsa and chips along with a weird taco that i didnt order but ate anyway because it looked good....
AND FINALLY: today. today i sat around, did homework, read some of wuthering heights, played video games with chance, and cleaned up the house a little bit.
oh, what joy. i realize that i might not have made entirely good sense in this post, but that's not my fault. im just so happy that my spring break was a blast for once, instead of just a week of sitting around being bored. sure, the only time i talked to kelsie was tuesday, and i havent talked to gracie all week, but i'll see them soon anyway. ahhhhhh, im so happy, i could.....um, not fly, or burst, but definitely not worry about anything bad, thats for sure.
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