nerves

my nerves are shot. my eyes are red. i want to sleep all of the time for some reason. it's insane. and then just when i'm about to go to bed, i find something that i need to do, and i can't go to sleep. i hate it. and i'm nervous, because i might not go back to stockbridge, but if i do i might not be able to be on the academic team, the one thing i really like.

i am serious. that's the only thing i look forward to, even at dutchtown. i like beating other people in the way that i know how. answering questions is my life. i was half temptem to throw away my nomination for student body president today. but i thought better of it and turned it in. i want to go to college, i wanna be somebody. i wanna study under sarah dessen at the university of north carolina. she is the most amazing writer, and can turn something as sad and depressing as abuse into a lessen learned with quirks along the way. i really am thinking of going there. of course, i am not exactly sure what i want to be when i grow up, but whatever. i think i need to be president to get into college. i don't care about the student body. i'm praying that another person wins, because they probably want it more or for the same reasons.

i am tired. i am frazzled. dutchtown is wearing me down to a nub. but don't worry. i've still got the hope of a letter back. that's all i need. that's all i want.