breathe

it's hard for me to breathe sometimes. when i cant breather, i hyperventalate, which only makes it worse. when i had to give my speech so people would vote for me for student government, i could barely get it out, i couldn't breathe at all. i will probably end up an old person with emphysyma (i dont think that's how it's spelled...). i will never smoke, will never be able to anyway, even if i wanted to. but if i keep living in a house with 3 packs a day, then i might end up with half of my breaths stolen right from me.

it's amazing how we idolize our parents when we're young. maybe even when we're in our teen years or early twenties (i can't know this, but i don't wanna offend anybody.) but then you realize something about your parents that must have always been there, it's just you're starting to notice it now. my dad cares nothing about other people. if you don't say yes sir, he will go upside your head. if you want to go home, he'll take the extra hour route just because you said that. my dad is the biggest jerk you have ever seen. and i'm seriously debating on some major things right now. and i want to talk this out with someone, but i'm embarrassed to do this with any of my friends. there parents are so nice. i don't think they'd understand anything. so i sit here, keeping it all locked up.

that's part of the reason i'm getting the letter to go back to stockbridge. they say that these problems are just arising because of my new environment. but i've never been able to talk about things with other people out loud. too much breath would be wasted, in my opinion, because they wouldn't get it.

i will tell you this. one day you will come onto this blog and see all of my secrets. every last one of them. and you will be so shocked. completely and utterly shocked. but i can't breathe it out right now. i'm choking for air.