im fooling myself into thinking that im going to stockbridge high next year. its a nice thought. but in all likelihood, im going to dutchtown. im leaving my friends again. im reading books at lunchtime. im not talking. not one single word throughout the entire day. a hellish bus ride. i still dont think anybody realizes just how much i hated that place. how much i hated to come home and feel like i either had to talk to break the monotonous day or that i couldn't talk because it would make me cry. i remember every night for a week i sat outside of chris's door hoping he'd come out and just do something with me, something to take my mind off of that hell. but i realized that he had his own problems. he can barely stand me now. he used to come into my room and just talk with me. then he stopped. then he started talking about how annoying i was and how unlike him i was. which is what brothers are supposed to do, i guess, but it's not what he did.
im registering at stockbridge high. i am convincing myself that im already going to shs. i am not even really processing the fact that im leaving. im living a dream. i know other people have sadder things in there lives, things worth mourning, and im sorry that i sound so pathetic. but you talk throughout the day. i didnt. now i do. now im happy with my friends, with them almost all day, learning thingsa about them and their families, laughing, talking, being indignant when a friend is taken in for questioning. at dutchtown i was being a smart alec and talking only to the teachers to be said smart alec. and one girl, christa. one girl. one girl, who was just so nice. and another girl, who i dont even remember the name of, who thought i was a "good listener", meaning she'd talk to me but i didnt talk to her. i just sympathetically nodded with her.
ugh, give me some cheese to go with this whine, please. sorry for disgusting you all. its just something i cant not think about. like music, it keeps going round and round in my head. but at least you can get rid of one song with another.
2 comments:
Hey-can you see Jennifer's blog? When I go it's just a blank pg. I need to know whats going on w/ the kids!!
i was going to ask you about that. no, i can't. ive tried typing it in and using your links, but it won't work.
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