it turns and turns

I tried to be happy today. I really did.

But it's hard.

It's even harder knowing that it shouldn't be hard.

I thought of Harold today. And it just hit me: I'm incredibly jealous. I wish it was me who spent time with him. Better yet, I wish I actually had a grandfather. I have Papa Dan, but he doesn't treat me like he does his biological grandchildren, and I see it.

I wanted to go to the fair. I'm not going to the fair. I'm a loser. I'm going to stay at home and watch movies. I'm too scared to ask my best friend if I can stay at her house, because I don't want to hear no and feel worse.

I just wish I had something.