church of power and immortality

i haven't gone to church in a long time. not since joey was baptized about a year ago. i went the week after, but the rest of my family decided that that was enough. it was weird, because i really wanted to be there for a split second. i wanted to learn about God and Jesus and the Apostles and whatnot. i wanted to be "Saved". but then i decided that i didn't. i decided that God has better things to do than sit around and worry about every little person who doesn't go to church. i decided that no matter what you did, as long as you didn't kill anybody or molest someone, God would forgive you. but i wish that i had a powerful faith. i really do. because im gonna let you in on a little secret:

i dont get excited anymore. my friends would argue this point, but when i bug them with my hype (OHMYGOSH THEY"RE COMING ON NEXT WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!?!?) i'm just trying to MAKE myself excited. im happy, there's no doubt about that. i know what i'm like when i'm miserable, and im not. im with my friends. its just, i dont get excited about anything. there's no reason to. the way i see it, life is pretty pointless. the few giggles i get a day hardly compensate for the fact that when my dad comes home every night he goes straight to bed and wakes up at 4:15 in the morning to go back to work without even spending time with his family. the way i see it, unless you're rich or stupid, you're screwed. you work. you go home. you sleep. you work. you go home. you sleep. it's a ridiculous cycle. that's why i wish i had faith, so i could believe that there's actually something to this insignificant life, where people are starving and no one is caring and theology is being shot down, along with christian music and modest clothing.

today we fixed the car. my dad let me drive it around the block a few times. i hit the accelerator. i zoomed out of there like a bat out of hell. it felt good. i felt good. i want to drive. im more than sure that when i get a liscense, i'll probably be a racer.

as tom cruise once said. i've got the need. the need for speed.