Pro procrastinator

I still haven't started working on my Spanish journal. Thought I'd help myself out a bit by writing about the week.

Okay, so Sunday... Stayed in, watched movies...whatever.

Monday: Dad put his Jeep in the shop. No car for Hillary. But that was ok, since I went to the eye doctor with Chris and Joey. Found out I will probably go blind. Eh. Also went to the movies with Tawnya and her crowd and saw Surf's Up. Pretty cute, but it hurt my eyes (not the wisest choice, no).

Tuesday: Had to drive Chance and Mom to the eye doctor because after the appt their eyes would be dialated. Yeah, that was fun. All in all, $800 in eyewear for the family.

Wednesday: Called the school office about 80 times. Didn't get a call returned until after I had left to go to Gracie's. But whatever. We hung out and had a good time. Ate turkey. Walked to a library. Halfway convinced Kelsie's mother to let me test drive her around so I can drive her daughter around, making our lives soooo much easier.

Thursday: Finally got through to the counseling office after calling all week, where Mrs. H assured me that I was in the correct class. Also worked on Le Buick as my dad killed it the day before. Spent a total of 2 1/2 hours in an auto parts store because they kept giving us the wrong piece or we broke something or just...whatever. Long. And then, when we thought we'd fixed it, it wouldn't crank. So frustrating. Joey's car also broke down. So out of the six cars that we own, 1 of them was working. AND Kirstie came over, which was very eventful in itself, but this is not something I plan to comment on anywhere, so sorry. We did go swimming, however, and afterwards I found a swimsuit.

Today: My dad figured out that the reason the car wasn't working was because when I went to put the jack on the car to lift it up, I put it on the fuel line. So I PIERCED THE FUEL LINE. Yeah. I'm a retard. So we WALKED to the auto parts store, where they (who by now knew us) fixed us right up and we came home and dad fixed it. It works. Also, his Jeep which was in the shop can be picked up tomorrow.


So that's been my week.

Eye See

Went to the eye doctor today. My vision is still a little bit worse (just like every time). While I was there, I asked about the possibility of some kind of eye surgery. The doctor said that I was most likely not going to be a candidate because I wouldn't have enough cornea to do the procedure at 18, which is when you can do it. So that pretty much means there's no chance of me ever getting to see normally. I'll have glasses 20 times thicker than what I've got now by in a few years, I bet. It's just really...crazy. It makes me mad, and kind of depressed, even though I know that I can't do anything about it anyway. Well, I guess especially because of that.

I just really really hope that I'm not going to go blind. Because that would suck hard.

Ah. Not a fun day by normal standards.

Whoo

Been listening to 50s music. Paul Anka, Dion and the Belmonts, Richie Valens. All good. Wonderful.

I have to write a diary this summer in Spanish describing my week. So this is what I'm putting (in English, so I can clear my thoughts):

Watched Cruel Intentions 2
Read Pride and Prejudice, watched the movie, and compared them in my head.
Went to the Student Council meeting, where we discussed such interesting things as t-shirt designs, pep rallies, hallways decoration themes, and a car wash in the middle of a drought.
Researched (i.e., looked up on Wikipedia) Horror movie icons, such as Freddy Kreuger, Jason Vorhees, and Michael Mayers. Still didn't understand their stories.
Washed a lot of dishes.
Looked for a bathing suit (and failed).
Saw Spiderman 3 with Chance and my Dad.
Went to the doctor and got more birth control pills.
Sweated. A lot.
Did a lot of crossword puzzles.
Watched the Top Chef "All Stars" special and fell in love with the show all over again.
Watched "Army Wives" and fell in love.
Cleaned through my room and all my old notes.
Volunteered at the school with Kelsie, Gracie, and Mitchell.
Read two Meg Cabot books (Size 14 is Not Fat Either and Pants on Fire)
Went to Kelsie's house and talked about our movie, played with her siblings, and almost beat Kelsie at Harry Potter trivia.
Went to apply for four different jobs, but apparently nobody is hiring.


I'm not sure what else I did. But I'm sure I'll put it in my Spanish diary. Expect more of these.

A lot

of posts lately. But I've been thinking a lot lately, so there's that. When it's summer, I have more time to think and organize my thoughts. This thing that happened Saturday...it was a tragedy. It surely was. A lot of my friends are affected by this, so it does affect me that way. But though I did know one of the girls, I wasn't really friends with her. It feels wrong to extoll someone's virtues when I never took the time to know them, nor did I ever really desire to. And that's why I feel so incredibly sad.

Last night I had a dream that Kirstie was here. I haven't seen her in months, and I miss her so much. I know she's been avoiding me, though I have no idea why. I've done everything I could possibly think of to get in touch with her: email, myspace-ing, calling her cellphone and home phone. I even wrote a letter. Because even though me and Kirstie don't have so much in common, she's been like my sister. And it really hurts.

I've also been having dreams about my aunt. Well, my kind of aunt. The woman who used to be married to my uncle, who I thought was my aunt, but I haven't heard from in two years. All those years! Christmases, birthdays, Fourth of Julys...she was my aunt. Maybe I didn't see her everyday, no, but the days I saw her, she should have looked at me and thought, "This is my niece," because everytime I saw her, I thought, "This is my aunt." But apparently she never thought that. Which hurts just as worse, if not more so. All the times I would really try to bond with her, now it seems like there's this tinge of distain on everything she said. It just...ugh. One day I even imagined calling her and telling her how...angry and hurt and disappointed I was. Because that's what I feel in my heart: hatred and anger. I wish I wouldn't, and I guess that seems to be the only way to resolve it, to tell her about it. I don't know.

And I know I shouldn't dwell on this. I should be grateful I'm alive. But this is what I'm thinking. Hell, this is what I'm dreaming. Hopefully if I write it out, I'll stop dreaming it.

How?

http://www.11alive.com/news/article_news.aspx?storyid=97982

How could this happen? One of the people killed is someone I know. And she wasn't even a senior. She was in MY grade. I don't even know who else was hurt. This is crazy, stupid, senseless. I just want to go to sleep and pretend like I didn't hear about this.

So

I'm a horrible writer. I want to fix it. I guess le blog helps. Tips? I've got some story ideas that are pretty cool, but I always end up rushing it out. I can't keep it slow. I think I was made for short stories and essays.

9/10

If I were a possession, what would happen to me? Would I be traded throughout the world, a precious commodity the entire Earth yearned for? Would I be put in a trophy case to be admired by all who passed? More likely, I'd be bought at a flew market, then put next to cat figurines, just a trinket to go with the room is what I would guess.

But sometimes I can't help but think that maybe, yeah, I will be bought at a flea market. And yeah, be put next to cat figurines. But maybe someday someone will pass me and say, "That is just what I need. That will complete me. I cannot live without that."

And then it will be away from the dusty bins full of warped albums and gnarled 8-tracks, and in with the beautiful silk dresses.

That's what I would think if I were a possession.