should they call me mary wanna?

to smoke or not to smoke? whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the outrageous something or other of not being half lit or to be a clean soul. they do say that you're body is a temple.

i've never tried marijuana and yielded any results to be remarked upon. the only thing i've ever tried is alcohol. and i think i smoked a cigarette when i was 10 or something, but i can't be certain.

it's half that i'm afraid to be caught and half that i don't really think it's necessary. even the cool factor isn't really anything to be remarked upon, because i don't see how i'd be any more awesome if i were holding a joint. or, for that matter, smoking it.

yes, my friends do it. no, not gracie/kelsie/chynna/gracy. probably not kirstie. i mean the others.

and it's true that i've threatened to kick certain orifices because someone had marijuana in the vicinity. like, right on my freaking arm. even right now, i'm wanting to yell at the person i'm talking to because he's telling me how stoned he was this weekend. and mostly i do it for my own personal safety, but honestly, i think these guys should lay off. half of my friends have been suspended or expelled for this stuff.

ah, you crazy t-stick, you've done and confused me to hell and back.

happy february

ever feel like you don't know your friends, like, at all? yeah, i've kinda been getting that feeling.

i'm just...sick of being excluded. i can't be trusted for the simplest things. i've run myself into the ground, and it's my own fault. i need to get a job. maybe that'll help. i don't know.

oh, you said play your game boy. i thought you said...something else.

foolish me. i thought the day was going good. i got to draw all of 4th period instead of taking a test, read in 3rd period, threw paper airplanes in 2nd period, and talked about food in 1st. boy, was i wrong.

lunch made me mad. i don't know how, but it did. maybe it had something to do with the fact that i realized that i'm not going to county. that right there ticks me off. i worked on my project for over a month, every day, touching disgusting, feces-ridden algae. other people did their project in a day and get to go to county. ugh.

then there was a fire drill. now, correct me if i'm wrong, but if there is a fire, would you really mind if half of the student population was set afire? that half that nobody really needs, maybe? you couldn't pay someone enough to do a job like that, so why do we have to practice AVOIDING fire? ok, so maybe fire drills might have their advantages. like, me not dying. and maybe i'm pissed off. but you know what? it's true.

i get home, try to relax because i'm about to kill someone, i swear. my mom, who has been sick for a week, calls me down. "there are no more spoons, hillary." let me mention that i am the dishwasher in the family. "so?" is my, i believe just, reply. "you better wash me a spoon so i can eat."

hmm. let's think about this. time it takes to wash spoon? 10 seconds. time it takes to argue with daughter that you're sick and are therefore unable to run a spoon through hot water and poor a little soap on? ten minutes. i wasn't about to give that up. then i started thinking about how everyone was in the room with her except for me. how hard would it have been for someone to get up and wash a spoon? seriously.

i'm gonna go and do homework. because even though i'm taking an honors class and doing obscene amounts of homework every weekend, they don't want us to have any more advantages than "normal" kids. so they've decided to take away those 5-10 little extra brownie points we get, because "it's just not fair to the kids not in honors classes." yeah. ok. you keep telling me that. i'll just get the fire extinguisher for your pants. or maybe all those fire drills we've had can help you out.

why is the chicken missing a wing? "i bet the buffalo stole it..."

i made bbq tonight. a lot better than last time. used more beer and less sauce, making it a lot lighter. i really don't know what else to post about.

my eye is getting better. i can semi-see through it now. i still don't understand the geometry enough to remember anything. i have to look at it for a minute before i understand it again. and i'm still having nightmares about it, so i don't know.

i need some new music. i'm wanting to listen to some soundtracks, but i haven't been able to find any good ones. usually soundtracks are the cheapest, and normally have at least some good music on it. hopefully, i'll find something.

i think i ticked off kelsie's dad. i just don't know when to shut my mouth, i swear. maybe i'll learn one day.

i hate james patterson. he's a whore who can't write. that's right. i said it.

chuck norris has counted to infinity. twice.

things that have been bugging me lately.

yes. let the emotional baggage spill out on the tarmac. i'm lettin' it all out.

1. the fact that chance always plays devil went down to georgia when we're at waffle house.
2. the fact that i scartched my eye on wednesday, couldn't open it thursday (and therefore didn't have to go to school yesterday), and can barely see today.
3. chance not liking pink floyd, collective soul, or any other classic music.
   
4. chance only listens to rap. bad rap, too. not the good "lettin' you see my soul" kinda rap, no no. the "smack my bitch and pay me my money, slut" kinda rap.
5. my shirt hurts my eyes.
6. people who can't speak correctly.
7. people who can't put a sentence together.
8. kirstie's in stockbridge and she didn't even call.
9. half of my friend's are breaking up, and some of them just think its normal that they're breaking up with someone that they've gone out with for three years.
10. chris penn died, and nobody cares, even though he was the best actor in reservoir dogs.
11. underworld two was horrible.
12. i keep having nightmares about the geometry that i don't understand, but haven't been to class since wednesday.
13. that guy at the meet who was an ass.
14. the henry county schoolboard for making me reapply to go to SHS.
15. the people that live downstairs who want to make sure that we keep their cat inside while they're away, even though they've been told repeatedly that i'm allergic to cats. but no, this doesn't bother them at all. screw the girl with the allergies who's sneezing all the time. we gotta make sure our cat can get to his scratchy post. whores.

yeah. i kinda have to clean my room now, because that's REALLY bugging me, not being able to get to my bed.

nice guy eddie: "you mean he was about to kill the cop?"
mr. orange: "yeah, man, it was horrible."
NGE: "you mean this piece of shit right here?"
MR.O: "yeah, man."
NGE: *shoots the cop* "there, now he's dead. now you want to tell me why you shot mr. blonde?"

way to go, chris penn. way to go.

"looks like somebody's having a case of the mondays..."

the paper thing turned out fine. gracie printed it out for me, God bless her. today's just been a bad day. the first half i was bored, and the second half i was contemplative. i was fairly quiet for both, though. i was scared out of my mind in biology, but i don't feel the need to post that entire story here. i was angered in geography, and again in english. spanish just passed by. i stared at the wall in geometry. i just don't know. today got me thinking. i'm the only one that can't seem to let what happened go, and i have no clue why. maybe its because i was so close. but so was lee. and it's not like he was talking to me. but you know what? that's talking about it. so i'ma stop that now.

well, at least science fair is almost completely done. all i have to do is present it.

school is killing me, i swanny to gah.

mother freaking ukranian.

i am about to be physically sick right now, i swanny to goodness. kelsie just called and said her parents were mad at me for using their printer. MOTHER FREAKING!!!!!

yes, i should not have procrastinated. it's partially my fault. but goshdarnit. if she could have told me say, friday, that her printer would have been unavailable, i could have asked someone else. but now it's 8:45, and i'm not allowed to call anywhere, and no one is home because they're all at church, and DANGIT. i'm screwed. unless gracy'll help me out. hopefully one of them can.

or else i'm really screwed.